I work as a call taker for a well known emergency road service provider.
“Hi, this is Poopfucker with ERS. How may I assist you?
I have my keys locked in my car.
I’m very sorry, I know how frustrating that is. Are you in a safe location?
Are there any children or animals locked in the car?
Yes, but no rush, he likes the heat.
Okay, but no worry, we will move you to the front of the line.
Well he’s a snake.
(Rest of call)
Just to be sure he’s in a cage?
He’s actually loose, he likes to snuggle.”