Lady chats in claiming she forgot her account ID / name (really just an email address) and trusted number for it. This bit happens later into the chat:
Me: You can go to [website] to enter your first and last name then email address.
*5 seconds later she sends a reply*
Cx: I did but it says it doesn’t have my name linked to my email address and that’s the ONLY email I use.
(I call bullshit. She hasn’t shown any hints of being tech savvy so no way she would’ve known to use this website before chatting — methinks she didn’t even actually try to check.)
Me: Might you have used a different name for the account? Nickname, emojis, or maybe pre-marriage name?
Me: Ok, what’s the first and last name you’re entering there?
(She provides it. I go to the website and enter these. Result: “Your account is emailaddress.com”)
Me: Thanks. I entered these information on the website and gave me results. Please try again.
(*Cx is typing* visible then 5 seconds later…)
Cx: It doesn’t give me anything.
Me: Ok, please screenshot how it looks instead. (Bullshit!)
(*Cx is typing* visible right away, so they’re not really trying.)
Cx: It says my account is not my email! That’s not possible!
Me: Ok, I’m really eager to see how that would happen and what it says instead. Please screenshot?
(Some more seconds of idling from them this time…)
Cx: Ok, I got it.
Me: (Lol fucking liar) Great, do you remember your password?
Cx: No and this doesn’t help me change my trusted number.
Me: You can reset password on your devices of you’re signed in.
Cx: I don’t own any of your products anymore, I just want to access my old account.
Me: Ok,. you can start account recovery process.
(It’s an automated process where system evaluates their identity. I walk them through it up until they enter the email address then it asks the phone number as a security check.)
Me: So at this point you don’t need to have the number, but you need to at least know it. Friends’ contacts might have it if forgotten?
Cx: No, I forgot it.
Me: Friends’ contacts, maybe? Could still be saved.
(2 second later…)
(Wow, literally no effort; didn’t even try.)
I explain there’s no other way at this point unless they try to obtain that number and give it there. They’re upset I “can’t help” — so I just do it for bare minimum QA requirements and explain why nothing can’t be done and they should’ve ensured information is updated ASAP (update new numbers if they change, keep passwords updated when they’ve forgotten, etc. when they still have the chance).
Lady leaves a parting shot: “wow, thanks. VERY helpful.”
I get she’s being sarcastic from the start up until this point so I just directed her to our feedback page for suggestions, which really is just a sugarcoated way to “fuck off and vent somewhere else, not on my survey.”