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A Compliation Of Crazy Karens

It looks like I’ll be going back to call center work this month, so I thought I’d share a few of my favorite stories from the last time I worked this type of job, as a csr for Schmest Shmuy (name changed for legal purposes). Sorry if this isn’t allowed, the stories are just too short for a dedicated post.

Encounter 1 – Woo Hoo. Lovely woman, fairly thick accent, had a general question about an online order. I pulled up her information; her first name was Woo, last name Hoo. I did my best to remain professional as I confirmed the name. She said, and I quote, “It’s Woo Hoo. You know, like when you happy. Woo Hoo!” That woman is not a Karen, that was the best call I ever had.

Encounter 2 – Sir, This Is Not A Trading Post. Gentlemen wishes to purchase a laptop. I ask him some questions, find one with specs he likes and Ata decent price, im gonna say like 900 I don’t remember exactly. I calculate the price and tell him, he offers me $850 for it. Not knowing how to respond to this, I politely decline and repeat the price. He continues to attempt to barter for several minutes until I straight up tell him that the price is non negotiable. He asks for a manager.

Encounter 3 – The Communists Delayed My Order. Order had been made a week ago but the shipping was delayed due to this being Canada and weather happens. However, this lady was adamant that the delays had nothing to do with weather, oh no. The communists had gotten together to order all of this one item specifically just to annoy her, I guess. Remember when conspiracy theories were fun?

Encounter 4 – You Are Personally Responsible For My Actions. It is not Christmas, the most wonderful time of the year! Or not. Karen has called Christmas eve, spitting mad. Her order was delayed, and that order had her kids Christmas present. I checked the order, it was the most popular toy that year and she had attempted to order it the day before. I tried to explain shipping time frames but nope, it was my fault she didn’t order until the last minute and now I was going to have to explain this to her child. She then handed the phone to her very young sounding child! I was floored for a minute before I was struck with inspiration. I put on a squeaky voice, and told the child I was one of Santa’s elves. “Im sorry sweetie, but Santa’s really swamped this year, and we’re asking all the boys and girls to be a little more patient. You can do that right? I know you can! You were at the top of the nice list this year.” The kid was delighted. She asked some questions about Santa before the mom snatched the phone back. She was angry, but she now had to play along or risk seriously upsetting her child. Checkmate Karen.

Encounter 5 – People Are The Worst. This is by far the worst story I have from my time here, and it makes me hate people. A disabled gentleman had gone into one of the physical stores to buy a laptop. This man was wheelchair bound with very poor eyesight. He picked the computer he wanted, paid for it, had it set up, and asked the cashier to load it into his bag. When he got home, he unpacked the bag and his new laptop had been replaced with an old, busted up unit. He returned to the store in increasingly bad weather to complain. He was blown off, the cashier told him he had no proof. He was escorted from the store as they were closing. Discouraged, he started for home only for his wheelchair to die. The poor man had to sit outside in a blizzard to await assistance. He called to complain which is how I found out about all this. It turned out that the cashier with the help of a friend switched the brand new laptop with the old one. Remember the old man was visually impaired, he didn’t see them make the switch. They then took the new laptop home and attempted to sell it. Legal action was taken but the story still disguises me.

I hope you enjoyed my tales! Working at a call center wasn’t my favorite job, but at least I had a variety of interesting customers to make my shifts go by.

What do you think?

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Tales from the Law Phones