You don’t have an account here; therefore, we I can’t help you with your account.


Changing names for obvious reasons. Working at a bank customer service call center. At most banks, there are tons of departments and sister companies. Obviously that team where your account actually is has the tools they need and only they can help you. Anyway…

TLDR- guy wants customer service for a service he doesn’t have

Me- Hello sir thanks for calling customer service my name is Buddy the Elf. How can I help you today?

Caller- I don’t know. You guys called me.

Me- oh. If you’re returning a call back, the agent should have left a reference number. Do you have-

Caller- just look up my account man. You guys have been calling me an you don’t have my account pulled up? Do your job man!

Me- Sure. May I have your first name, last name and the last four of your social or account number?

Caller- *obvious name change here but it was a really easy name but I decided to be petty*- last name “Dipshit” first name “Iama” 6969.

Me- *read it back to him as slow as possible and phonetically* I apologize sir but that didn’t pull up any information or further security questions. Maybe it’s under your phone number?

Caller – just use the one off your caller ID

Me- *attempting humor to calm him down* Unless your number is our customer service number, I don’t have caller ID sir Dipshit. I can try a phone number that might be on your account?

Caller- spews out numbers. Why the fuck would your number pull up? *letting that first swear go but giving a warning*

Me- sir you’re going too fast. I need you to slow down… to answer your earlier question, it’s the way the call is routed… unfortunately sir you don’t have an account here based on what you gave me. Is it under another name or number?

Caller-then what the fuck are we doing man? Why can’t you help me? Is this call recorded? How do you have a job you fucking idiot?

Me- sir I warned you before. No more cursing. I’m only trying to determine if you’re in the right department. Based on what you gave me, I can’t help you because you’re not a customer here. Yes. The call is recorded. As is the last two years I’ve worked here.

Caller- fuck you man. Here’s my account number *gives huge number with letters and numbers* either use it or get me your boss. I’m gonna get you fired because I hate the way you do business and you obviously can’t do your job. I’m just gonna close my account

1 our account numbers are numbers only no letters
2 our account numbers XX digits long. You have me 16 ish
3 no information you gave me indicates you are a customer here. So no one here, including my boss, can help you here. Closing the account or otherwise.
Lastly…. since I can’t help you and you can’t be professional, I’m disconnecting the call. Have a wonderful day sir.

Caller- rants and says I better not hang up. Calls me slurs a loser and everything he can think of…. Moment of silence… are you there? You better not hang up on me! You’re there! I hear you typing! Say something!

Me – I was just listening and documenting what you said to me. you have a wonderful day. Goodbye sir **click**


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Basically broke down at work (1 month in), feel pathetic and stupid

This might sound weird, but …