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On mobile, please excuse any typos. TL;DR at the end.
S: me, smalltalkor
CFC: Crazy Fucking Customer
S: Hi, thanks so much for calling Your Financial Institution. This is small…
CFC: (SOBBING) I NEED MY MONEY. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU TOOK EVERYTHING.
S: Oh I’m sorry! Are you okay? I can help look over your account with you.
CFC: (Still sobbing, with panicked breathing) YES PLEASE! MY DEBIT CARD WAS STOLEN AND NOW I HAVE NOTHING!!! NOTHING!
S: (In my most reassuring voice, knowing this is going to be a long call) I’m so sorry to hear that. I absolutely want to help you figure this out today. Can you take a few deep breaths for me so I can go over this with you?
CFC: THERE IS NOTHING TO GO OVER. YOU TOOK MY MONEY, NOW IT’S GONE AND I NEED IT ALL BACK RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!
S: (Checks account to see if she’s overdrawn or if there are actual charges. Finds a few charges from yesterday.) Okay, I see that there a few recent charges on your account. I just want to let you know that we didn’t charge your account. Since you mentioned that your card was stolen, do you mean that someone made these without your permission?
CFC: IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO MADE THEM, YOU TOOK THE MONEY AND I NEED IT BACK TODAY!!! I’M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK AND NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!
S: (At this point, I figure this is a fake dispute since she’s dodging questions but want to give her the benefit of the doubt because she is obviously panicked.) Okay, I will do my best to get this handled as quickly as possible. Are you able to sit down while we do this? Do you need someone to call an ambulance?
CFC: (Fully hyperventilating) NO, I WILL DO IT ON MY OWN. I JUST NEED MY MONEY.
S: (Trying to speak as clearly and quickly as possible) Okay, I have just a few questions for you and then your case will be filed. From there—
CFC: (Immediately stops sobbing. No more panicked breathing.) What do you mean case will be filed?
S: (Honestly stunned) … yes, disputes are always reviewed which will take X number of days before—
CFC: (No hint of crying in her voice. At all.) No, unacceptable. You put that money back in my account.
S: I cannot do that. I really wish that I could. I can only file your case so that way you can be notified in X days. Since this money is very important to you, filing today is highly recommended.
CFC: (In her most menacing, controlled tone) Don’t. You. Fucking. Dare. Give me my money… (screaming as if she took the phone from her ear) NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!
S: (Rips out one earbud, fully over it) I can’t.
CFC: Close my damn account. *click*
Y’ALL. I wish I could share a recording of this call. This woman was truly going for her Oscar. I’ve dealt with my fair share of fake disputes but this really took the cake.
I’ve come to learn that customers who have truly had their information stolen are so willing to share every detail. Customers who dodge questions… so telling.
I truly sat there for a moment once her voice changed like, “did I just imagine the first half of this call?” When my boss asks why morale is low and people are saying they’re burnt out, this is absolutely why. Cheers to everyone in this sub for having to deal with the worst of people.
TL;DR: Woman calls her financial institution to report her debit card has been stolen and needs money put in her account NOW. She goes from full on sobbing and saying she needs to go to the hospital… to the most calm tone in under a second flat. Leaves me absolutely stunned at the lengths callers will go to in order to receive free money.
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