I apologize ma’am I was only doing what you asked me to…

So I had a call come in earlier this week and have just gotten to the point where I can think about it without doubling over in pain from laughter…so here it goes. Me-me, c-customer you know the drill

Customer calls in…queue greeting

M: Thank you for calling expensive cell phone company may I have your name please?

C: The rep who transferred you to me was stupid and didn’t even know how to split a payment. You’re going to split the payment and you aren’t going to charge that fee (my company charges for reps to take payments and set up arrangements, but it’s free online and in the automated system).

M: I’ll be glad to assist ma’am how would you like your payments split.

C: Are you stupid a split payment is a split payment just take the payment please

M: I’m not trying to upset you ma’am I just wanted to be sure you wanted it split in half exactly and not something else. I also am not able to waive..

C: Can you just shut up and take the payment!

M: insert white guy blinking meme you can go ahead with the first card whenever you’re ready. (I took both payments and sent verification texts. With this normally comes another text saying “Thank you for your payment! Your card ending in xxxx was also charged a $7 agent assist fee”

C: Why did I get a text saying my card was charged $7 I told you to waive that fee!!

M: Ma’am I was attempting to explain earlier that I couldn’t waive the fee, I can only credit it to your expensive cell phone bill.

C: You’re lying the other lady said she could waive it so you can too!

M: Ma’am the other rep was in the financial dept, they have access to waive them up front, we cannot in customer service. I can only credit your bill.

C: *hangs up

M: *calls back (company policy) Hello ma’am this is Asha from expensive phone company calling you back. We seemed to have gotten interrupted and I wanted to make sure you didn’t still need assistance

C: oh *offers muffled thanks. Why didn’t you tell me I would get charged that fee? You all are supposed to say that before.

M: With all due respect ma’am when I was attempting to tell you, you cut me off and told me to shut up and take the payment. I was only doing what you asked me to do.

C: well call you just reverse it

M: no ma’am I can only reach out to a sup to apply acct credit. I can reach out now if you don’t mind a brief hold

C: ok

M: ok thank you for your patience. (At this point she gets out on a pointless hold aka time out while I credit the acct) thank you again for your patience ma’am we’re all clear if you don’t have any other questions you’re good to go.

C: k.thanks.bye. *hangs up