In the Scam Home Warranty business, the people are represented by two separate but equally lazy groups: The Authorization agents, who deny claims and smoke like chimneys, and the technicians who lie through their teeth to snag a few extra bucks. These are their stories CLICK CLICK
(Background) I’ve never been to Colorado myself but many in my high school class wanted to go when they legalized recreational reeferonies. My one friend who actually went through with it loves Denver but informed me it has a few seedy parts of town. So when I got a call from a tech that seemed pretty worried, it was the greenlight to task sales for the first and only time in my career. Slumlords try to burn us any chance they get but this time I wasn’t having it.
I’m leaning back in my chair having my third cup of coffee for the day when I accidentally spill some on my nice white button up shirt (which is untucked if anyone’s wondering) and pondering how best to throw myself out a window when the phone rings.
Me: “SHW, got a claim for me?”
Tech: “Yeah, a live one this time. #”
Me: “You at the house?”
Tech: “Well houses.”
Me: “I don’t get it, this like an apartment building or they got a secondary house on the property or an apartment over a detached garage?”
Tech: “Nope, its just two normal townhouses that are filthy and the only thing they share is an overgrown lawn.”
Me: “Which one is [address].”
Tech: “The one on the right facing the road but it’s the one on the left that the failure is in.”
Me: “Hmm, they don’t have any other accounts with us but this is their first claim. It’s possible they put the wrong address in?”
Tech: “Possible but the tenants were under impression both houses shared the same address.”
Me: “Tennants?“
Tech: “Yeah bunch of kids old enough for college.”
Me: “So like five kids?”
Tech: “Closer to ten.”
Me: “I’m pulling up the google earth streetview, there’s no way you can fit ten people in either of those houses. The Zillow says they only got 2 bedrooms.”
Tech: “Trust me, they all live there they’ve turned the living room into another bedroom, kitchen too. It’s an absolute mess, whole house stinks to high heaven. I live near a farm and this is far worse.”
Me: “I’m notating all that as we speak. I don’t like it when customers try to get over on us like this. My last apartment I shared a bathroom with 8 other guys, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”
Tech: “Funny you should mention the bathroom….”
Me: “Failure on the claim is toilet backing up, they try to flush some exotic thing I can kill the claim with?”
Tech: “Failure is an outright lie. There are no toilets in the house.”
Me: [sitting straight up in my chair with a confused expression] “They turn the bathrooms into bedrooms too?!”
Tech: “No sir, the toilets are missing.”
Me: “How?”
Tech: “You know how easy it is to steal a toilet?”
Me: “Yes actually, I did a bit of plumbing I know there’s only like 2 bolts holding it in the floor.”
Tech: “Oh the bolts are still in the floor, as is a tiny pile of shattered porcelain.”
Me: “Someone stole 2 toilets and broke them while doing so?!”
Tech: “Yes, aint seen anything like it my whole life.”
Me: “Well I’m gonna kill this claim.”
Tech: “Can you tell me if there was a service call fee for this claim?”
Me: “They had a free one from sales.”
Tech: “I’m gonna need a new pair of boots after today, God knows how long those toilets have been missing.”
Me: “You’re on guide for a $100 an hour. I have an auth number for you in that amount.”
Tech: “Send it to my bosses email.”
Me: “fakename @gmail”
Tech: “That’s the one.”
Me: “Ok done, have a good one.”
(tasked to customer service) call customer and inform both toilets in home are missing per A2 this is not normal
(tasked to sales) customer is a slum lord with 2 properties but pretending they are one, have customer buy second policy or explain policy only covers # address and not # address. Note that with toilets missing, other things in the home may go missing and perhaps giving customer a refund would be more expedient than denying spurious claims
Epilogue: Customer bought an additional policy but never called in another claim after this to my knowledge. It is extremely rare that Auth will ever task sales, and rarer still that sales will do as we ask. But, we kind of did them a favor by giving them an easy sale from a motivated consumer.
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