I’ve just had possibly the most colorful week I’ve ever had working phone tech chat support.
First entry goes to the dude who sent me a photo of his wireless Bluetooth earbuds. It was making a rattling sound and he wanted me to see if the device had any physical damage he may have not noticed, so he sent me a photo. From the angle he took the shot, some inner portion of the white eartips that are attached to the earbuds could be seen. Inside that portion, I spot a clump of black… thing. Mind goes, “…is that his fuckin’ earwax?”
I zoom in, and blessed be the gods of high quality cameras, indeed there it is: his fuckin’ earwax and it’s quite the clump. I tap my colleague, “okay look here — what do you see?”
Colleague: “…uhhh what the fuck?”
Me: “Well, what do you see?”
C: “Is that earwax…?”
Him and I burst out laughing. I show the photo to the people near us and everyone gets their share of hysterical gaggles.
Me: Do I still ask him to clean the earbuds as usual? I mean look at it!!!
hysterical laughter from everyone
C: Fuck cleaning the earbuds have him clean his ears!
Second C: Good thing we don’t require they ship us back faulty ear tips if we send a replacement. Imagine if he sent it back and the earwax came with it!
TL gets curious and joins in, gets infected by laughter
Second entry goes to the chick who, after successful verification…
Me: So how can I help?
Her: I’m pregnant with 2 children.
Me: waits to see if she’s gonna send any more messages
Her: no icon indicating she’s typing
Me: waits 4 minutes
Her: nope, still not typing
Me: I’m happy to hear that! Congratulations, then. 🙂 Now… what issue can I help you with?
Her: Say my name out loud.
Me: (remember this was through chat and not phones) Okay, I’ll humor you.
Me: {FIRSTNAME.} {LASTNAME}
Me: Hahaha, there you go. 🙂 Kidding aside though, do you actually have a [companyname]-related tech issue?
Her: disconnects
3rd entry goes to the missus who chatted with me and flat out clarified she doesn’t have any issues with our company or products, just that she’d like me to pretend I’m her mom. Asked her why and apparently she just got diagnosed with breast cancer and she’s torn up unsure how to tell her mom. This took me off guard and I honestly got confused how I’d handle this situation and was still thinking of a reply when she goes ahead and starts her little roleplay. Types in, “Mom? Can we talk?”
I still couldn’t think of anything to say or if I should even handle this at all or insist I can’t really chat about non-company related conversations. She goes and types in “((please, are you still there? Just pretend and let me practice how I’ll tell mom))”
If that wasn’t bad enough, I’m personally the kind of guy who’s better at providing solutions to life issues and just the WRONG guy to go for emotional support. I fuckin’ suck at that shit and I just know I’m least qualified to be handling this woman.
Few seconds counting down and I’d soon be flagged for poor response time by the system so I type in a simple “yea I’m here” then she goes on and rants again how she feels so utterly devastated with her current situation. Thankfully when she finished, she said goodbye and ended the chat and also apologized for any trouble she caused.
I still wonder what the hell happened there and how it ended up for her.
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