Schizophrenia is hard, y’all.

Me: Hello, Legal Non-Profit.

He: I’m Mr. So-and-So, and I need to talk to talk to Ms. Thang’s supervisor!

Me: Okay, I’d be happy to transfer you. One moment, please.

(Time passes. Then, *ringy-dingy-thingy*)

Me: Hello, Legal Non-Profit.

He: Ms. Thang’s supervisor wasn’t there!

Me: Oh, okay. She’s in a different office than I am. Were you able to leave a message?

He: Yes, but I can just tell you what’s happening.

Me: If you left a message for Ms. Thang’s supervisor, that’s not really necess- ….

He: So, I had an appointment with Ms. Thang, and at the same time, she scheduled one with this black guy. And I saw this black guy, and I thought to myself, “I know that guy” because he’s the one who shot me!

Me: Oh, my goodness.

He: Yeah, this was back in the 1990’s, and I was in the social security office, and he came in with this other black guy, and they are both “swashtickas”, and they were shooting up everybody in the office, and there was a pile of bodies when I walked in and they shot me dead.

Me: Wow!

He: But it’s okay because I got resurrected, you see, but at the time I was the federal judge down in Paducah, and I built this bridge over the river down there, and those same black guys with the “swashtickas” stole it.

Me: They stole the whole bridge?

He: Yep. Took the whole bridge. It was gone the next day. Those same black guys. They’re transvestites, you know.

Me: They certainly sound like busy guys.

He: I never got paid by the state for when I was a Federal judge, either.

Me: That’s a real shame. So. You left a message for Ms. Thang’s supervisor, right? She’ll give you a call early next week. You have a good weekend, okay?

He: Will do, honey.

Me: Okay, bye-bye now. (hangs up)

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Got a customers phone number flagged today *long*

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