Don’t you have a cheaper room?

This happened last week but I’ve forgotten to post this until now

The cast here is Me and DD (Delusional dude)

I start the call normally:

Me: Thank you for calling [Hotel Company], my name is WoodenHandMagician, who do I have the pleasure with today?

DD: *Says his name, let’s call him Mr. Krabs*

Me: Good evening Mr. Krabs, how can I help you today?

DD: Ah, yes. I’m calling because I want to make a reservation.

Me: That’s awesome, sir. Where are you looking to stay?

DD: Oh you see I’m looking for a room in Miami Beach.

Me: Oh, that’s nice. How many people would be in the room and what would your check-in and check-out dates be?

DD: It’s for my wife and I, and we want to stay on February 8th, only one night.

Have in mind, this call happened between January 27th and 29th. Less than 2 weeks away from the actual stay date and less than one week after the Super Bowl.

Me: *Writing everything down* Peeerfect, Do you have a specific hotel in mind?

DD: Not really, we want to look around and see what we can find.

Me: *Thinking “So it’s gonna be one of those calls”* Ok sir, we can look around for you, what do you have in mind?

DD: Ok so I need this to be in a resort property, not a hotel. We want to really enjoy the stay.

Me: *Thinking about resort fees* Mhm, what else?

DD: And we need this to be oceanfront, not ocean view because I’m too cool for that basic stuff. (Of course he did not say that last part textually but that’s exactly how it felt.) With one King bed of course because it’s just me and my wife.

Me: *Knowing this is gonna get expensive* Any specific area within Miami Beach?

DD: Oh just as centric as possible.

Me: *Already looking at properties in the area with the characteristics he’s asking for* Anything else?

DD: Oh yeah I cannot pay more than $300 USD a night.

Me: *…* Sorry?

DD: Yeah, I can’t spend that much money.

Me: Sir, in all the properties in the area the most basic rooms go for over $350, All the ocean front rooms go for $500 or more, and that is BEFORE taxes and the resort fee you would inevitably have to pay due to the type of room and hotels you are going for.


Me: Yes sir, plus a lot of the places in the area are almost sold out, and that makes the rates go up even higher. There’s nothing I can do about that.

DD: But I’m a high tier member of your loyalty program!

Me: Yes sir and the rates I’m quoting you are with you special member discount. (It’s a small percentage but I’ve seen discounts of up to $70 a night in more expensive rooms) Plus you will have all of your benefits at the hotel. Again, this is the lowest rate I can find, Mr. Krabs.

DD: But what about… *Another 30 minutes of him suggesting hotels only for me to say the same thing.*

All of the hotels he found were that expensive if not more, or either not resort properties like he wanted or only had ocean view rooms. I have no idea where he got the idea he would be able to find the room he wanted for that price.

Like yes, we do as much as we can for our high tier members but we can’t make miracles happen.

In the end he did not reserve a thing and I wasted 40 minutes of my time. Yay.

I have other stories that I will post later but that’s it for now.

By the way, Thanks to all of you who gave me book recommendations on my last post! I’m trying to decide where to start the reading.

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After 5 months, I can finally add “pretentious a**hole who ‘knows’ our software better than us” to the list. Obligatory apology for using mobile imminent.

Life Isn’t Fair, Your Highness.