In February, I will be ‘celebrating’ 14 years in call center work. So, because I have the status of Call Center Sage (self-given title), I would like to share some annoyances that I have found working in this industry. I have run the call center gambit of Sales-Tech Support-Customer service, and these were taken from both past and my present job, Some of these here my fellow denizens may relate to these, and please feel free to keep this list going in the comments, love to hear what annoys you.
Praying that I got the formatting correct.
1. Get to the fucking point. – If you lost your wallet, tell me that, don’t give me a step-by-step recount of your shopping trip.
2. Have shit ready. – If you called because of a bill or item on your receipt, have the damn thing with you.
3. Threats mean nothing. – Saying that you will go to a competitor or not buy anything does not mean shit to us. You are a person of free will, we are not going to chase you down. For everyone one customer that leaves, 10 more will come in.
4. How hard is a name? – I am not asking for your social security, just a first name or a Mr/Miss whatever.
5. Quiet Time – We need to hear what the fuck you are saying, so put the crying baby in the crib (or wait until they stop crying to call). Put the yapping dog in a crate or another room. I am not going to compete with background noise to listen to you whine.
6. We are not psychics. – We do not know that you going to come to the store to buy 25 cases of Coke or that we should have known that you did/did not want to renew something.
7. We are not scammers. – Face it, you forgot something. This is why they tell you to make sure to check for all bags before leaving. Calling and saying that we are trying to scam you out of two dollars for a fucking candle is stupid. There are a thousand other situations where this applies, but I am going to limit it.
8. Life is not fair. – I have a strong opinion on the phrase, “but that is not fair.” I firmly believe that once you are older 14, you no longer get to use the phrase.
9. Failure on your part does not equal an emergency on my part. – Just because waited to the last minute to pay your bill, buy underwear or get your prescription does not mean that I am going reopen a closed area or force someone to let you in the doors.
10. Learn what business hours are. – This is a personal pet peeve of mine. Just because you are nocturnal does not mean that every business is and that if the business is 24 hours that maybe not all depts are open all night. Always my favorite, don’t bitch that you can’t find employment when you are calling at 10pm to find a hiring manager and when told that you need to fill out an application continuing to repeat ‘hiring manager’ will not make them appear.
11. The answer will not change. – I actually saw this in a magazine where they told people to keep calling and try to get someone who will do it for you. I wrote a pissy response letter, but it was never published. I will say that there is a rare chance this will work if you get a newbie or someone without the call center spine. In reality, no one is going to change policy or magically make the item/service you need to appear/become available.
12. We are humans too. – Do not talk down to us, don’t belittle us. We have feelings, and for most of us, this is not a career, just a pit stop while in college and other training. Just because you think that you are somewhat better since you are calling me, guess what bitch, you’re in my house now.