I like to think I’m pretty thick skinned, y’know? I have a verbally abusive family, so I’m used to that. I worked at that place with the golden arches for a few years, so I know how to handle random strangers screaming in my face. Hell, I can handle a cheeseburger being thrown at my face.
I worked at the customer service desk at that one retail store Sam Walton built. I’ve been faced with screaming customers, soaking wet underwear, personal attacks from people I’d never seen before and haven’t seen since… I’ve handled all of that with a smile.
I worked at a call center that handled orders for hospitals and shit to get the equipment they needed. If you haven’t been screamed at by a stressed out charge nurse, you just haven’t lived man.
I like to joke that I thrive on chaos. “Angry customers just give me that rush of adrenaline. I live for it.” In reality, I’m just so used to detaching from myself as soon as I walk in the doors that it doesn’t affect me. Why not use that to my advantage? Why not be thankful I got the angry ones? Many people can’t handle what these shitty customers say, so I’m glad I get them.
I schedule car inspections. It’s an easy job, easy money, most of the customers aren’t complete jagweeds. You get some asshats here and there when they get tired of the reminder calls (cool, yell at me for doing what your financing company hires me to do), some douche canoes get thrown into the mix when they realize their dealership requires us to do the inspection they’d oh-so-graciouly turned down mere weeks earlier (read: FUCK YOU, MY DEALERSHIP WILL DO IT), and sometimes you get some straight up cunt monsters whose sole purpose in life is to ruin other people’s days.
Today I got a cunt monster. He was only slightly worse than the others I deal with, but today was just the shittiest day in a long line of shitty days… and it fuckin broke me.
To the call! Our cast:
Me: Communist__Robot Cunt Monster: CM
Me: Thank you for calling car inspection company, my name is Communist__Robot, how can I help you?
CM: I’d like to schedule an inspection.
Me: I’d be happy to help! Can I get your lease number?
CM: reads off 10 digit lease number without even grouping the numbers to make it easier to understand, like the monster he is
Me: Thanks! That was: does the exact same thing because fuck you
CM: Yeah, sure, whatever.
Me: pulls up account, verifies shit, explains what the inspection is for, yada yada
Me: Alrighty, we schedule our inspection in two four hour time blocks and we can-
CM, true to fuck nugget form: That won’t work for me! You can’t expect me to sit around at home for four hours!
Me: We don’t expect you to, sir. We call-
CM: I don’t care if you call! I want you to come out on a weekend.
Me: I’m sorry, our inspectors have the weekends off to spend time with their fam-
CM, suddenly yelling: YOU’RE. HERE. FOR. ME. ME! ME!!! I’M NOT HERE FOR YOU. YOU’RE HERE FOR ME!
Me, hearing the vein popping out of his forehead: I would be happy to get an inspection set up for you, but unfortunately weekends are not available.
CM, blowing a literal gasket: YOU’RE NOT A FUCKING BANK. YOU WORK FOR ME. YOU ARE HERE FOR ME. YOU WORK WORK MY SCHEDULE! YOU CAN’T WORK ONLY WEEKDAYS EIGHT TO FIVE. YOU’RE NOT A GOD DAMNED BANK. PEOPLE HAVE MOTHER FUCKING JOBS! YOU’RE LOSING SO MUCH MONEY FROM YOUR RETARDED, FUCKED UP SCHEDULE!
Me, rolling my eyes: I’ve never actually had anyone not schedule an inspection because of the time blocks. When people realize we can go to their work-
CM, stopping his tirade long enough to be a pompous prick: Well in my industry, I can’t just stop working for half an hour! I guess they all have meaningless jobs!
Me: I’m sorry, sir. I’ve had clients who were emergency medical workers give their keys to a receptionist, could you do that? You could also just hand the inspector the keys, go back to your job, then come back. I know most people don’t like a stranger-
CM, back to his cunty ways: WHY IN THE FUCKING HELL WOULD I GIVE MY KEYS TO A FUCKING STRANGER?! HE’LL JUST DRIVE OFF WITH IT LIKE THE RETARDED-
Me: Sir, I am not saying you have to-
CM: I PAY YOUR PAYCHECK!!! SEE YOUR FAMILIES ON YOUR OWN FUCKING TIME! I’M TOO IMPORTANT TO DEAL WITH YOUR SHIT! WHO CAME UP WITH THIS ENTITLED ASS SCHEDULING SYSTEM?!
Me: I can have an inspector-
CM: SHOVE YOUR INSPECTOR UP YOUR ASS. NO ONE WOULD CARE IF YOU ALL FUCKING DIED! I HOPE YOUR INSPECTOR GETS RAPED IN FRONT OF HIS KIDS!
At this point, I’m almost crying. Rape isn’t something I’ve been threatened with before and it brought back some shit that needs to remained buried forever. My throat is dry, my eyes are burning, and I am definitely on the verge of a panic attack. I’m upset at what he said, but I’m even more upset that I can’t get a hold on myself.
Me, my voice betraying me because it’s a weak bitch: Please, sir-
CM, hearing he’s gotten to me: I HOPE YOU GET RAPED! WHERE ARE YOU?! I’M TRACING YOUR SIGNAL! I’M GOING TO COME SHOVE MY BIG, FAT COCK SO FAR UP YOUR ASS-
Me, : I’m canceling your account now and you won’t receive anymore reminder calls. Have a good night.
I’m sure he kept going after I hung up. I went to the bathroom and just… Sobbed like a bitch. A customer has never upset me so much and I hope to the gods it doesn’t happen again. Pretty anticlimactic ending, I know. The best part? He’d already gotten the maximum amount of reminders. His account was already canceled out.
I just can’t stop thinking… What kind of person says those things? Why would you want to say that? Why would you say that to someone you know is just doing their job? What gets me the most… I heard children in the background. They heard ALL of that. They probably deal with that level of rage regularly. I feel so bad for them.