Surveys

Conversation with my boss

Me: “So, if I get a bad (customer satisfaction survey) and the call is reviewed and the customer is clearly insane, can that survey be overridden?”

My Boss: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…….No”

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For context, just got off the phone with Mr IamPerfect.

I work for a major nationwide ISP/phone/cable provider. Tech support.

I get my second crazy call of the day.

Mr Perfect comes on my line cursing and yelling about my crappy company that is clearly trying to fuck him over on purpose because we keep giving him these shitty 3rd world modems and routers and cable boxes ect.

Modems and routers that he knows were made by (Those People) in XYZ (Insert racist offensive slang) countries.

Mr Perfect lets me know that he has swapped out each and every piece of shitty ass 3rd world technology 3 times already within the last 9 months. Which I can confirm by looking over his acct.

I can also confirm that Mr Perfect has never, ever, not even once, allowed us to send a field tech to his home.

Not because other reps haven’t tried. Oh no. They did try. And he cursed them out and hung up on them.

Also, I can confirm that the signal levels I see on his acct are fucking horrible.

Like, really, really bad.

Mr Perfect is ranting nonstop about my crappy, greedy, sadistic company, while telling me “Oh, now I have to swap out these cheap ass shitty (presumed non white people made) pieces of equipment for the 4th time cos your shit ass company just wants to drive me insane.”

You know, solid business practice that THAT would be and all….

So I explain to him that the signal levels I see on his acct are simply awful and that even if he decides to go to his local office and swap out equipment again, this will solve NOTHING.

It’s NOT the equipment, I tell him.

We NEED to send out a field technician in order to get this resolved, I tell him.

He explodes in a frenzied rage vomit of words, reiterating that not only is my company a sneaky, sneaky gaslighting Bastard, but also throws in that he KNOWS that we don’t need to send a tech out because HE BUILT THIS HOUSE HIMSELF AND DID ALL THE INSIDE WIRING HIMSELF, SO HE KNOWS (!!!!) KNOWS that it’s PERFECT.

You guys, he KNOWS this.

He built it and ran all the wiring himself. So clearly its the shitty 3rd world equipment that my company dumped on him as an intentional sadistic joke.

I try to explain yet again why we need to send a tech out.

Because frankly, he hasn’t yet made the choice to get off of my phone and I can’t release the call per policy and in situations like this, where someone is this crazy ass livid and out of touch with reality, I choose to act like every such call is being reviewed by corporate, because it probably will be.

Mr Perfect screams some more about how he put all this together with his “bare hands” so it MUST be PERFECT and then abruptly tells me to go fuck myself and disconnects the call.

So, as for Survey Roulette, will this be the one that borks my metrics this month, or is Mr Perfect too important and busy to bother with such things as filling out a survey douchily out of spite and ego?

Time will tell I guess.