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No one else understands what it is like to have children…

One of those days when everyone is annoying me…. so this made me want to smack the crap out of her precious little self:

We are supposed to pick up a large item (that customer is returning to a store for a refund) from customers home.
I called to schedule this pick up for pretty much any day she wanted. Hilarity then ensued.

Me = Me (shocking, I know) QM = Queen Mother, aka the customer who wants to return an item. Edits: typos


Me: “Hi, this is InsomniaAbounds from the PickUpTheBigStuff Company. I see you have decided to return your big-ass item for a refund. So I am calling so we can schedule a day to pick up your item.”

QM: “I am only ever available in the afternoon.”

Me: “That’s ok we can do Saturday’s too. You can pick any day you like except Sunday, because we are closed.”

QM: “No, I have children, and we might want to do things in the morning. I can only be home in the afternoons.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can make a note on the job, but I can’t promise it will be in the afternoon. However we can certainly schedule this in advance for you, so it will be more convenient to make this part of your schedule one morning.”

QM: “Well it’ not like I can be available ALL DAY. I told you I have children.”

 *(AT THIS POINT, I can tell she is being unreasonable... but I play along...)* 

Me: (trying to put on a “we mom’s need to stick together” understanding voice) : “Oh, get it… I have children too.”

QM: (sighs) “Well what will the time window be?”

Me: “It will be a three hour window…”

QM: (loudly, with an “are you kidding me?” voice) “THREE hours?!?!?! I told you, I have children!!”

Me: “As I said, I can put a note, but I just can’t promise it will be afternoon.”

QM: (now she is chuckling condescendingly cause I am so stupid) : “I don’t think you understand. I have children. If we have to stay in the house in the morning, we will go crazy. I can only be home in the afternoon because that is when they nap.”

Me: “As I said, I can’t promise that.”

QM: (done with me and my stupidity) “Fine, you can come whatever day you want, but we will only be here in the afternoon….” CLICK


Here is the alternate version I WANTED TO SAY:

QM: (now she is chuckling condescendingly cause I am so stupid) “I don’t think you understand. I have children. If we have to stay in the house in the morning, we will go crazy. I can only be home in the afternoon cause that is when they nap.”

Me: “That really sounds like something you should get therapy for.”


Yes, you read all that right. Not only is SHE the ONLY one with children — and no one else understands — but her whole life revolves around never being at home with them when they are awake.

submitted by /u/InsomniaAbounds
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