I work for a small local telecom and I work 3rd shift. Every night our system goes down for an hour for maintenance at 2 am. Most people are pretty chill about it, although we do occasionally have some that get very irritated about it. None as extreme as this though! Cue call from Asshole Customer. He’s been transferred to me from tech support.
Players: Me, Asshole Customer (AC), Senior Manager (SM) and On-Call Supervisor (OCS)
Me: Thanks for calling Our Telecom, how can I help?
AC: I need to know how much my bill is. I’m trying to see it online but it’s not working.
Me: I apologize, Mr. AC, but our system is unavailable even to us from 2-3 due to scheduled maintenance. If you want to call back after 3 (it’s about 2:30), we will be happy to assist you.
AC: I talked to SM about this before and SM said to let her know if I call and someone tells me the systems are down. I want to talk to her now.
Me: I’d be happy to have her call you back during normal business hours.
AC: Fine, I’ll be waiting for her call.
Me: One moment while I send SM an email with your contact information. (I pull up SM’s contact info and realize SM is out of the office for the next 4 days.) I’m sorry, sir, but SM is out of the office and won’t be back until Monday, but I’ll be sure to forward your request so SM can contact you on Monday.
AC: Fine. I want a $5 credit on my account for every day SM takes to call me back.
Me: Sir, if you need to speak with a supervisor sooner about this, I can have one of our supervisors who IS in the office call you after 8 am today.
AC: Okay, you do that. And I want a $5 credit for every HOUR that it takes for them to call me back. No, make that $5 for every MINUTE it takes.
Me: If you feel this issue is urgent sir, I can contact the OCS at home. (Mind you, it’s 2:30 am.)
AC: <his voice positively dripping with sarcasm) Now you're thinking outside the box. That's a GREAT idea. Go ahead and get OCS on the line.
(I put the customer on hold, look up the home number for OCS , then get ready to transfer the call.)
Me: I’m so sorry to wake you, but this customer is insisting on speaking with a supervisor because our systems are down for maintenance and he can’t access his billing information online and we can’t access the info either.
OCS: That’s okay. (We rarely have to call them, and they are REALLY nice about it when we do.) Go ahead and transfer him to me.
I think it ‘s over. There are only two of us on 3rd shift, the other person has been at lunch during this time, and I’ve wasted so much time with AC, I’ve now got six calls in queue. So I go back to taking calls. Seven calls later, I’ve got AC on the line again. Sigh.
AC: Yeah, I just talked to you and I’m calling back for my credit. I want a credit of $2.41 a day for the last 30 days since I’ve not been able to access my account from 2-3 am.
Me: Did OCS tell you that? I haven’t gotten a call or an email from OCS authorizing a credit for you.
AC: Well, you better get OCS back on the phone then because that’s what we agreed to.
Me: Please hold while I contact OCS.
(Puts customer on hold and calls OCS again….)
Me: I’ve got AC on the phone again and he says you authorized a credit of $2.41 a day going back 30 days.
OCS: HELL NO I didn’t tell him that! He is getting NOTHING. We owe him NOTHING. He has full access to his services twenty-four hours a day seven says a week. We are not crediting him because he can’t see his BILL for one hour a day at 2 in the morning!
Me: Understood. I’ll let AC know. I apologize for waking you again. (OCS was not angry at me, just super pissed at AC.)
Me: I’m sorry, sir, but OCS has advised me that no credit will be authorized for this issue.
At this point, AC admits that OCS didn’t ACTUALLY authorize a credit but “it was discussed”. AC goes on for another ten minutes about how inconvenient it is that he cannot access his account whenever he wants to, blah blah blah, and wants to explain to me how he arrived at $2.41 a day. Turns out his math skills suck and based on the rate he’s paying, if we WERE going to give him credit for this, (and we are NOT) it would be .08 PER DAY and 30 days of credit would be $2.41.
AC FINALLY hung up after insisting that I put in a request for a credit for $2.41. I did and advised him it will most likely NOT be approved. AC wasted an hour of my time over a complete NON-ISSUE and will gain absolutely nothing from it.