Paranoid and hungry for credits

I worked at an ISP in a special on-boarding department. Basically, we handled new customers from the time Sales completed the order to when their installation completed. Aside: so many invalid emails and incorrectly spelled names. Thanks morons Sales.

This guy named Chris (name changed) makes it clear right from the start that he’s looking for any excuse to get a credit. He’s asking me, “If such and such happens, what’ll you give me?” Naturally, I evaded the question; I’m not prepared to make any offer on the possibility a problem might occur.

Of course, something weird happens. In a one-in-a-million fluke, Canada Post accidentally sends his modem to Vancouver. It arrives in a Vancouver sorting room, they realize the error, and send it where it should go. Chris, upon learning this, immediately asks for a credit and refuses to accept the modem because “it’s been tampered with”.

First, it’ll still get delivered to you before you install. Second, no it hasn’t been tampered with, just mis-sorted. Third, there’s no credit unless you cannot use the service. Fourth, fine… I’ll get a new one assigned and shipped right away. It’ll arrive the day before his install. I tell him not to accept the first delivery and they’ll send it back to us, no charge.

On the day his new equipment is supposed to arrive, he’s calling me once an hour because it hasn’t come yet. I assure him that Canada Post will attempt delivery and, if they can’t get it to him, it’ll go to the post office for pickup and they’ll leave a slip for him. Sure enough, guy leaves his place before the delivery. Naturally, this is my fault and he’s demanding a credit for the inconvenience of having to walk a few blocks to pick up a modem. I tell him he’s not getting a credit for that as this is outside of our company’s control.

Thankfully, installation with the tech goes well and he’s got his modem. Then he’s calling me for another week complaining that someone (or the company, or even accusing me personally) is hacking his modem, screwing with his Facebook page, and other paranoid bullshit. Even though he’s no longer my responsibility, Customer Service keeps transferring the call to me. Ugh. I put a big note on his account regarding “credit-seeking behavior”.

Finally, I get him to believe that I can no longer help him. Still… I keep an eye on his account. Even after moving to another department. Over the next year, I have to opportunity to charge him ~$90 for a frivolous technician visit TWICE; they found absolutely nothing wrong with his service. I double-check with tech support supervisors just to be sure; they approve the charge. After a little more than a year, with more notes than someone with 10 years of service, a dozen modem swaps, and endless escalations with tech support supervisors regarding people hacking his internet they tell him… no more credits and no more tech support. Take the service as-is or leave it. He leaves and threatens many times to sue.

Far as I could tell, he had no real issues beyond those he made up. Even things like speed issues were “I’m paying for 50mbps, but a speed test comes up 48mbps! PAY ME.” Say what you will about ISPs, but there isn’t one in the world that can promise 100% consistent speeds every moment of the day. Still, he lived in the Big City, so this was not typically an issue for other customers. Or he claims to have no internet, but we cannot find an issue.

The Call Centre Manager personally puts a note on his account stating that we are not to reconnect this guy’s account under any circumstances. This guy had a serious issue with paranoia.