Hello beautiful people!
This story was posted at r/MaliciousCompliance but someone suggested I should post it here, Also I’m not a native speaker, so -please- excuse any mistakes I make.
TL;DR at the end
As a backstory I work as a collection phone agent for a company that offers cellphone services, such company is (at least from my perspective as someone who lives in a different country and whose phone provider is way less reasonable) quite gracious in the way that when you can’t pay your bill on time, you can actually call us and set up a Payment Arrangement that will secure your services and will prevent them from getting suspended as long as you fulfill your promise.
The system however, will only allow for certain timeframes and won’t let you do anything if the account is already suspended, since the customer must pay the full past due amount to resume his phone line.
What I sometimes hate is that because of my accent (it’s not even that thick) I get asked the “where are you located?” question quite a lot, but still, every time I hear it I do my best to exceed expectations and
know that I won’t cause a good impression so next time they don’t ask to be transferred as soon as they hear me.
I can’t, however, help customers that can’t even help themselves.
So, after that long introduction, I’m happy to present the cast of this beautiful
and not at all paraphrased call.
$Me: well, I guess me, yey!
$EC: Entitled customer.
$Me: Hello, thank you for calling wireless provider, my name is $Me, how can I help you?
$EC: I want to speak with somebody in America!
$Me: Sir, I can assure you that you are speaking with someone in America.
(Mexico is in America, evil laughter)
$EC: Don’t be smart on me, I want to speak with an American!
$Me: Sir, you are speaking with an expert from the financial department and I’m the correct person to speak with if you’re trying to negotiate a payment date or restore your account, there are no transfers within departments, but if you want I can put you in the queue again though I know that the wait time is quite long now.
$EC: Well I want you to restore my services!
$Me: We can definitely look into that together, may I have your name and account information please?
$EC: gives account information
After logging into the account, reviewing some previous broken payment arrangements and that the account had a past due and a current balance I came to the conclusion that the account simply wouldn’t tolerate an exception, so I informed $EC and explained why.
$EC: WHAT? THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS I AM A LOYAL CUSTOMER AND I DESERVE AN EXTEPTION!
$Me: Right now what we can do is restore the services with the payment of the past due balance and extend the current balance, that is the option we have available.
$EC: IF YOU WON’T RESTORE MY SERVICE THEN I WANT TO CANCEL!
And this is where the customer learns a valuable life lesson, you see, collections cannot cancel the services of an account under all but one circumstance: that the account is already suspended for non payment.
$Me: Sir, I’m terribly sorry you wish to do that and I can definitely help you with that, I must let you know that your account has and installment plan for one your devices, and that it will be accelerated if you cancel the services.
$EC: I don’t care.
$Me: Ok sir, are you sure you want to proceed to cancellation?
$EC: I. TOLD. YOU. I. DO.
$Me: It will just take a moment sir, please do not hang up the call.
I then proceed to cancel the service as happy as if someone had given me a delicious Chile en Nogada and come back to $EC.
$Me: Sir, I’m terribly sorry about all the issues you have been undergoing. I am glad to let you know that I managed to cancel your account successfully and you won’t be charged for the services any longer. You will receive your last bill next month with the remaining installments and the existing balance.
$EC: YOU DID WHAT?!
$Me: I cancelled you account, just as you asked, is there som…
$EC: I THOUGHT YOU’D TRANSFER ME TO LOYALTY SO THEY COULD GIVE ME SOMETHING!!!
$Me: Oh, sorry sir, but since you explicitly said you wanted to cancel even after my confirmation the account got cancelled right away, where you not intending in going on with it then?
$EC: OF COURSE NOT! insert some more rambling So, there is no way to restore my services from suspension?
$Me: I wish there was, but the full past due balance had to be paid to do so.
$EC: Ok then, I’ll pay you the past due balance to restore my services.
$Me: Well, now the services are cancelled, not suspended. You will have to pay the full balance to start the reactivation procedure.
$EC: Rambles so more and finally gives in
TL;DR: cx thinks he can play the “I’m going to cancel” game, but gets cancelled.