Manually stimulating.

I worked at an Alarm Monitoring Center and either made outbound calls responding to alarms and dispatching, or taking inbound calls. One day, a man called in, returning our call because we sent police for a burglary alarm. While politely reviewing what had happened, he rudely interrupts me and said, “Hey jerkoff, just cancel the police” in a heavy New Jersey accent. At the same moment, the call dropped. I didn’t disconnect the call as I liked to wipe up the floor with jerks like this. I take a couple more calls and then moments later, his wife calls in and verifies her information and gives me the proper password. She accused me of hanging up on her (ultra classy) husband. I advised her “your husband hung up on me after hurling obscenities to me”. She defended him and said “I heard what he said and it wasn’t obscene”. Now, we’ve all had moments on a call where we just say “fuck it”! This was one of those moments.

“Allow me to define what your husband said. He referred to me as a jerkoff, a phrase that means manually stimulating my……at this point she is talking over me, saying “okay, okay”, “all right”, “please stop”. So, I paused. She politely asked me to cancel the police so they don’t receive a false alarm fine. Absolutely! I could have done that ten minutes ago with bells on! I place her on hold, call the police, they already cleared the scene so surprise, 150.00 fine! I deliver her and her neanderthal the good news, finish my shift and usher home to manually stimulate my……

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