Quick background: I work for Canadian telecommunications giant (“Blue”) as a L2 tech agent. “Repeat” customers come through to my queue directly, “first time caller” customers are supposed to go to Care/Tech/L1. And sometimes, completely random callers get through….
TL;DR at the end.
Urashk: our plucky hero
NotCustomer: our caller. A sheer delight.
NotCustomer: Hey, I’ve got this iPhone I want to get unlocked, but I don’t have your service. Can you help me?
Urashk: Yes ma’am, I can.
NotCustomer: Good. Please unlock it for me.
Urashk: Ok. Can I please start with the IMEI of the phone?
NotCustomer: I just want the phone unlocked!
Urashk: I completely understand. I just need the IMEI number of the phone, so we can get it unlocked for you.
NotCustomer: You mean you can’t unlock it for me??
Urashk: Yes ma’am, we can unlock it. We just need to know which phone to unlock.
NotCustomer: This is ridiculous! I didn’t have to go through this with Red !!
Urashk: I understand, but you don’t have an account with us, so I can’t get the number at our end. I need that IMEI to start the unlock procedure.
NotCustomer: Fine. It’s 12-3456-7-890-12345.
Urashk: Thank you. I have that as: 123-456-789-012-345. Is that correct?
NotCustomer: No! It’s 1234-5-67-89012345!!
Urashk: Thank you for that confirmation. Let me confirm that the device is eligible for unlocking.
NotCustomer: Of course it’s eligible! Do you think I would buy a phone that can’t be unlocked??
Urashk: Not at all, but we do have to confirm the device has not been reported as lost or stolen.
NotCustomer: Oh my God. This is crazy!
Urashk: So that device does show as eligible for unlock.
Urashk: So now I’m pushing through your request to our unlocking team of specialists, who work with Apple to send an Over-The-Air unlock update. You will then receive an email confirming the unlock has been completed, with the final on-phone steps, for the unlock to take effect. Can I get the email account you would like to be notified at?
Urashk: I’m sorry, did you say you do not have an email address for that confirmation?
NotCustomer: No, I just said “No”. I am refusing to provide an email account.
Urashk: OK, then is there anything else I can help you with?
NotCustomer: So the phone is now unlocked??
Urashk: No, the unlock confirmation is emailed. Without an email address, no unlock can be completed.
NotCustomer:THIS IS RIDICULOUS!! I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO A MANAGER!!
NotCustomer: What? …..did you just tell me “no”?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN “NO”?? YOU CAN’T REFUSE ME A MANAGER!! I’LL HAVE YOU FIRED!!
Urashk: Manager escalations are reserved solely for our customers. You are not our customer, therefore there is no escalation required. And as you have escalated to threats, I am releasing this call. Thank you for calling Blue, and have a wonderful day.
I will not lie, this gave me the biggest justice-boner. After all of the entitled d-bag customers who demand a manager/supervisor for no valid reason, saying no felt like freedom.
TL;DR: Demand a manager? You’re not our customer. Buh-bye.