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A case with the Devil. A fraudster from Hell.

Sorry for my bad English. TL;DR: Some fraudsters are just lucky.

So, I used to work as a T3 customer service agent for a computer company. Once a customer reached us, we had to work with them until the issue got resolved. Corporate was the only level above us and they only took the worst cases, so I had the power to bend the rules (freebies, repairing out of warranty, replacing computers etc) if we felt the case deserved it.

The story begins with me taking a live escalated case, we will name our friendly customer Ms. Beelzebub. Being honest Ms. Beelzebub never got furious during our calls, she always had that happy welcoming voice of a succubus. Ms. Beelzebub got escalated because she dropped her laptop and a truck run over it by “accident”. She had accidental protection plan on it but didn’t want to send it over to repair, she wanted a new one. I explained to her that the policy noted that she had to send it to the repair center first, in case the center found the computer unfixable we will replace the laptop with a new one. After an hour of so of soft skills and prayers she bends the knee and accepted to send the computer to repair.

Previous similar cases indicated that the repair center would dictate the computer will be too expensive to repair and we would have to replace the computer. So, I started doing all the paperwork for the replacement, at that time I didn’t know what that sign “Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch’intrate” meant when I passed that door. One of the steps is to check in the system if the customer had any previous replacements and she did, this was her 3rd replacement. The past 2 replacements had similar fate, one was dropped into the pool by accident, the other she spilled coffee on it. I noticed that previous agents had upgraded her processor, give more memory and extended her warranty for “customer satisfaction”. So from her mid-level computer she now had a high-end gaming computer. Man that was going to hit my budget but luckily this was just her 3rd replacement and I needed no approval from corporate to replace it, or so I thought.

I waited for the laptop to hit the repair center and send out the paperwork to our approvers. Next day I come with the request denied because this was going to be the 4th replacement. Our approver found out the first replacement in an old system that we no longer use, so now I had to get approval from corporate to replace it. It was obvious Ms. Beelzebub was running some fishy business here. Luckily, I got the approval without much fuzz with one big exception NO MORE EXTENDED/ACCIDENTAL WARANTY FOR MS. BEELZEBUB. So, I re did all the paperwork and got it approved it this time. Now it was just time to get the notification from the repair center that the computer had to be replaced. But Instead a got a call from Ms. Beelzebub telling me that she got an email stating her computer was repaired successfully and it was being shipped back to her.

“Unacceptable, I’m going to refuse the package, not going to take a repaired broken computer, etc. “. I was just shocked the center repaired a run over laptop. Did God finally listen to my prayers all the way from the 3rd circle? “Ms. Beelzebub, lets wait for you to get the laptop, if its not up to your standards, I’m sure we can work something out.” She agreed but she was not happy. While the laptop was in transit with FedEx, I was giving the task to excommunicate her in the system by adding in the title of all her cases “DO NOT GIVE EXTENDED WARRANTY TO CX’. Couple of days passed and FedEx tracking show no progress, package was in FedEx possession in a distribution center. I called FedEx and I got the unpleasant news: Package was lost in transit. Bollocks.

Of all the packages, you decide to lose this one FedEx? I call Ms. Beelzebub to bring the bad news and she was happy to hear it, good news for her I guess, she is now getting a replacement. So more paperwork for me now since the reason of the replacement is different. Then it turns out the replacement computer I found similar to her laptop is now out of stock, so now I have to build a new one. Her laptop had Blu-ray WRITER so its difficult to find one. Time to negotiate with Ms. Beelzebub, she is not happy we don’t have a laptop with all the previous specs. Who uses Blu-ray writer anyways? Plus she was expecting to get the extended warranty. HAHAHAHAHA, No! What was her first computer you may ask? A $200 Amd dual core , 2gb RAM, 320 gb hard disk which has now become after 4 replacements a $1800 intel i7 quad core, 12 gb RAM, 1 tb hard disk, nvidia graphic card, 3d 120hz screen plus an external Blu-ray reader. She finally accepts my offer, the laptop gets shipped and she gets it. Thank God is finally over!

NOT! Ms. Beelzebub gets the new laptop and complains that the new laptop feels “cheap” and she wants something to make it up, spoiler alert an extended warranty. No Ms. Beelzebub I can not give you that, so she keeps insisting and wants to speak to a supervisor, my supervisor (another t3) is aware of the whole story and for “customer satisfaction” (more like shut up and end this already) we give her a free Office 365 1 year subscription. The case can now be closed after weeks of descending into the circles of hell and now you are wondering, is it over??? And I tell you with a broken voice: Not yet, we are barely in the 4th circle (Greed).

Just kidding, the story is almost over because I had little to no interaction with Ms. Beelzebub after closing the case, but that didn’t mean she would stop tormenting more poor souls. She kept calling to complaint about performance, overheating, the screen not bright enough, no enough sulfuric acid in the air. A well trained agent will look for the previous cases and determined they were talking with a daemon, but then one day the apocalypse happened. One of her many calls were routed to a different call center (and also different outsourcing company) and she was offered for “daemon satisfaction” the forbidden fruit, the illegal indulgence, the immoral pleasure, the big no-no, an extended accidentally protection plan for THREE LONG YEARS FOR FREE. A was shocked, but at least it was not my problem any more.

I was about to move up to a higher position, when a poor soul came to me and told me what had happened. Since I was no longer taking calls, my coworker will have to deal with the problem. Only God can tell us how the touch pad stopped working in Ms. Beelzebub’s laptop, but she did not want to send the laptop to repair because it was “less than 6 months old and deserved a new one”. I gave my coworker my condolences and wished good luck, but I knew it was going to be a rough, bumpy, hellish ride.

Our story now has come to the end. Months after in my new position I became curious to see how our antagonist was doing. It appeared that she had won another battle and devoured that poor soul I had for a coworker. She now had a new laptop because she accidently cracked the screen of the previous laptop. God works in mysterious ways.

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