Why Are You Breathing So Heavy?

So this happened to me around a month ago. I work at a call center where I do billing for an insurance company. I explain the bill to agents so they can explain the bill to their insureds.

So I’m doing some overtime, and I get a rather interesting call later on in the day from an agent who had an interesting take on my breathing patterns. (Side Note: I am a hefty guy, however my breathing is not usually that loud or heavy, and the headset I use is not that sensitive to sound.)

So Me will be Me and LB will be Light Breather.

Me: Intro Plays

LB: Miscellaneous background noise for about 30 seconds.

Me: Hello?

LB: Hello? Who is this?

Me: Reiterates intro, verifies agent

I knew from the awkward beginning that this would be a weird call that I would try my best to end as swiftly as possible. Turns out, the request she had wasn’t difficult at all, just a simple name change on the billing accounts, as the insured’s were flipped on the bills. I figured I had my chance to get her off of my line as soon as possible. I was so wrong.

Me: Okay, ma’am, no problem! I will take care of this as soon as possible.

LB: After about 30 seconds of silence CAN I ASK WHY YOU’RE BREATHING SO HEAVY?

Me: ….. I’m sorry?


Me: No, ma’am, I haven’t received complaints about my breathing before.

LB: Well, I don’t know what your problem is, but you breathe really heavy.

She then proceeds to mimic how she thinks my breathing sounds.

Me: I do apologize ma’am, would you like me to put you on hold or mute you while I take care of your issue?

LB: No I just want to know why you’re breathing so heavy. What is your reason?

This proceeds to me trying to make up reasons for my supposed heavy breathing so that we can move on from the subject, as I’ve already completed her request at this point. However, she is not taking the bait on anything.

Me: I’m sorry ma’am, I just finished eating, I think I’m a bit full. That could explain the reason possibly?

LB: No, that’s not it. I just finished lunch before calling you and you don’t hear me doing that, so why are you doing it?

I even offered to stop breathing at this point just to keep my cool and entertain this woman’s crazy obsession. Nothing deterred her. The reasons continued until I had enough.

Me: Well ma’am, I’m sorry but I finished your issue, so now you don’t have to listen to my loud breathing anymore.

LB: Well thank you, I appreciate it. But seriously, why do you breath so loud?

Me: Have a good day, ma’am. *click*

I know this reads like a cringefest, and honestly that’s what it felt like the whole time. Does anybody else have off calls like this, where everything is just upside down for the entire duration of the call? By the way, this is my first time posting something this length, so please be gentle.

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