The terrorizers

The absolute best day I had on the phones working for a large US satellite provider.

Some context: I worked the opening shift at 7am on a tier 2 team so the beginning of the day was usually pretty easy. We wouldn’t start getting any calls until about 7:10 when they opened the transfer queue and it was usually about a call every 5-10 mins until around 8:30 or so. Depending on the order we went ready sometimes you wouldn’t get the first call until 7:45 or so.

Things were pretty lax, we’d log in and have a team meeting, but on this particular day the nice lady from our resource department (monitored call levels, approved aux time, etc) was asking us to skip our meeting and get live as soon as possible because we had thousands of calls in queue.

No one had any idea what was going on, but here were my first three calls until I figured it out.

Call 1.

Me: Thanks for calling how can I help?

Cust: Yes I am so angry at your company!

Me: Oh no! I don’t want you to be upset with us, can you explain what’s going on so that we can get this straightened out for you?

Cust: You can’t fix this, my daughter is scarred for life. Why would you show pornography on Nickelodeon????

Me: Well ma’am I certainly apologize that this happened, but we don’t control the content that is on each channel, we just rebroadcast what they give us, but I know that Nickelodeon doesn’t show that kind of content. Are you sure that’s the channel it’s on?

Cust: Yes I double checked and this is completely unacceptable, how are you going to compensate for corrupting my daughter’s innocence?

Me: Well ma’am something isn’t right here, let me go verify a few things to see what’s going on and we’ll go from there.

We had a demo room right beside my seat so I went in , thinking this woman was crazy, turned it to Nickelodeon and sure enough…. porn. I turned it off as quick as possible so someone didn’t think I was trying to be freaky at work and went back.

Me: okay thanks for holding ma’am. I verified it and I don’t know why, but it’s showing the same thing here.

Cust: Right I told you so! How are you going to compensate me?

Me: Well ma’am as I had stated earlier, we don’t control the content, nor are we even allowed to modify Nickelodeon’s feed in any way, so really you’ll have to take this up with them, they are owned by a company called Viacom and Id be happy to get you their contact number

Surprisingly she didn’t fight anymore and took the number to go on a crusade against Nick.

Well…… then here comes call number 2

Me: Thanks for calling how can I help you?

Cust: Hi, I’m not really sure what’s going on, but I like to listen to the Hawaiian music channel every morning because it helps to calm me down, but well, it’s not showing Hawaiian music, it has pornography.

Me: oh wow, I’m sorry about that sir, I’m not too sure why that would happen, but we’ve been having some problems with our channels and we are getting it reported to fix as soon as we can. Give me just a moment to get some information.

So I went and verified it again, this time on a little small TV out of site and yep! It had porn too. Now I knew it wasn’t a channel issue, but had to be something on our end. The team chats suggested the same thing. We worked on getting it reported and escalated up to engineering, but I told the guy and he was fine. The third call was the best though. This guy was very country.

Me: Thanks for calling how can I help?

Cust: Yeah, well, this Jim down here in Abaleine, Texas (oh yeah like now I know exactly who you are) and I don’t know if anyone told y’all yet, but the terrorizers done took over y’all satteRlatts.

Me: Well Jim I appreciate you calling and sharing your concerns but we’re having some troubles with our channels and we’re working to get them fixed. What would make you think that though?

Cust: well I think y’all got tooken over because I went to turn it to watch my Fox News and low and behold they had al qaeda on there. So it looks like the terrorizers done took over y’all satteRlatts.

I go back to verify what’s going on this time…..

Me: Jim everything’s okay, that’s just Al Jazeera

Cust: Al who?

Me: Al Jazeera, see what happened is somehow our channels got jumbled around and instead of turning to Fox News it turned to Al Jazeera, it’s one of our channels in a different language, you can think of it like the Fox News of the Middle East.

Cust: Wait so we’re not under a terrorist attack?

Me: No sir everything’s okay

Cust: whew that’s great so I guess I’ll get out of the bunker now, thank ya so much I was so worried.

Me: no problem sir we’ll have it fixed and get your Fox news back up as soon as we can.

I lost it! Somehow all the channels just got jumbled, but what a coincidence that of all channels Al Jazeera was the one that ended up on Fox News…. priceless

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Why is it every time I contact the wrong department, I can’t get help!