Okay so I work for a cable company dealing with billing issues and I take sup calls. The other day I get an escalated customer who is apparently very upset because we somehow put his life on the line. I didn’t get much of an explanation before taking over the call other than somehow we tried to kill this guy and he is yelling all kinds of great expletives. From here on out let’s call this irate customer Richard.
me – Thanks for holding. My name is John and I was told you requested to speak to a supervisor about an incident you had with us today.
Richard – About god damn time you pick up the fucking phone. I’ve been trying to get a hold of someone about what your company did to me today and let me tell you I am pissed the fuck off.
me- Sorry about the wait but I would be more than happy to address this issue for you today what exactly happened?
R- I was driving down the road earlier when out of FUCKING NOWHERE, I get a phone call from you guys trying to tell me that I am a few days late on my stupid damn bill. You could have killed me!!! What if I would have wrecked over that call?
me – I realize those calls can be inconvenient at times but they are there as a courtesy reminder on the status of your bill. If you would like I could remove you from the automated call list so you do not get those calls anymore.
R – Shit that is not what I am trying to accomplish. I do not want off the list I just want a $32 credit for you guys trying to kill me and to just not call me while I am driving.
me – … Weill Richard I can see how this is frustrating and I can send you a paper view coupon for the trouble you went through today.
R – This is fucking absurd, I am not getting of this fucking phone until I get exactly what I asked for. Now you can either give me my god damn $32 credit or I will call my lawyer and make sure you guys never do business in my town again.
me – I would hate for it to come to that but if you don’t mind I have a few questions about the incident if you don’t mind. So you mentioned that you want the calls to still come in but just do not want them while you are driving, correct? Well how exactly are we supposed to know when you are driving and when you are not?
R – Well that’s not my fucking job to figure that shit out it’s yours and you better not get smart with me you son of a bitch.
Me – My apologizes I didn’t mean to come off that way I am just trying to make sure I completely understand the whole situation so we can take care of this. So correct me if I am wrong but you got a reminder call about your bill to which you answered while driving and feel like we put your life in danger by doing so.
R – Yep
Me – You have no interest in stopping the reminder calls as they are convenient for you but just want us to implement a system that can tell when you are driving thus not call you rather than just not answering the phone.
R – Shit that’s about it but I didn’t even answer that damn phone when your system called me earlier.
Me – So exactly how did this put your life in danger?
R – Well if I would have answered the fucking thing I could have got hit by a damn fucking big truck.
Me – Well Richard, we are dealing a hypothetical situation here so my last question is how did we calculate this potential life threat into the monetary value of $32?
R – Fuck you!!!!