I work at a performing arts school and deal with insane people regularly, this isn’t the most insane but definitely out of touch with reality.
I am responsible for all payment-related duties, in this case I was making outbound calls for past due accounts.
I will be R, parent will be A.
R: Hello, is the the parent of Student Name?
A: Yes, who is this?
R: Hello Mr. A, I am R , calling from Performing Arts School, how are you doing today?
A: Okay… what is this call regarding?
R: I am calling you today as our records show that your account is currently past due
A: We don’t go there anymore
R: Yes, I understand that Student Name has already completed the classes but there is an outstanding balance due for the services provided
A: I can’t pay, I want to cancel
R: I’m sorry but you are unable to cancel after completion of the program
A: Why not?
R: …well, we have provided the services in full and per your contract, you are liable for the full balance.
A: But this is America
R: Yes… and you signed a legally binding contract and owe a balance for the services provided.