First time poster – long time reader. Thought I’d finally chime in with one that literally made me speechless.
I work in the TV retention group for a pretty large US company. This guy came on my line a few months ago and left me questioning many aspects of my life. Mind you, I have been doing this job for about 7 years now. I’ve heard it all, I’ve laughed, cried, and argued with customers…but this guy…
Me: Good Morning! My name is Mojo, how are you doing today?
Customer: I want to cancel my account. The bill is too high and we are going to go to streaming. My bill was supposed to be $60 a month and it’s over $100.
(noticing his account was only started about 8 months ago with a 2 year agreement – i won’t lie, this makes me smile because 1 – they are usually easy saves and 2- if the call goes south, i get petty pleasure out of saying high dollar amount etfs. He currently has a $250 amount due with almost $100 of that past due)
I begin asking the questions, making small talk. Which leads to:
Me:…I did some math and I noticed the reason your bill is no longer $60 is because of additional programming that was added. Without the movie channels and the higher package, we can get you down to $60 again. Now, I didn’t add in any late fees or rollover amounts from the recent billing because those aren’t normal charges, but they are also causing your month to month bill go up.
Customer: Well, we want those. Why would you have TV without at least 1 movie channel?
Me: (that awkward fake laugh) of course! I have one too for that reason! In that case, I found something here, we may be able to use to lower everything without changing anything. Let me see if this will work, give me one second. (stares at screen for about 30 seconds because I know that it will work but I need to make it sound like I’m making magic) …and it does! What I will do is take an additional $50 off your bill for 12 months. That brings to about $15 less than what you signed up for. To get that applied, I’ll need to take a payment of the past due amount of $xx.xx, ok?
Customer: I don’t understand. Why do I have a past due amount? And you mentioned late fees before. I don’t have late fees, I pay on the first of the month.
Me: Let’s take a look. (scrolls through billing) Ok, so it looks like we have been 1 bill behind since sign up. Your bills are issued on the first of every month due on the 22nd. The April bill wasn’t paid until 5/1. By then, the new bill had been issued for May AND April plus a late fee. You are absolutely right, you make a payment every month, at the same time, but it’s not the full bill amount causing roll over amounts and late fees.
Customer: Listen, I’m a Veteran. I only get paid once a month on the first. I pay all my bills on the first.
(for whatever reason, anyone who gets paid once a month, insists they can only pay their bills on that very day they get paid, no other day, ever)
Me:Seeing that you get paid on the first and your due date isn’t until the 22nd, you would never be late paying on the first. But because the April bill didn’t get paid until May, the May bill until June, and so on, the current amount due of $xxx.xx would be due by 12/22. But if you can get that in, you’re billing is all caught up!
Customer: Well that’s not fair, don’t you think?
(THIS! RIGHT HERE! What part of anything I said isn’t fair? The part where you have a due date on a bill? The part where you get charged late fees because you don’t pay your bill by the due date? The part where you are responsible for a bill for services you used? The part where I’m offering to give you a $50 discount of your already discounted program because YOU WANT extra movie channels? My jaw dropped and for the first time, I stared at my computer screen wondering what I was going to say)
Customer: You know what, just cancel my account.
Me: I can still help you with that. (Proceeds through disconnection)