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That’s not how this works.

A few stories for the new year 🙂 Plus they’re short.

Me: How can I help you?

Caller: Yes is [Coworker] available?

Me: Yes, but they are on another call, anything I can do for you?

Caller: Oh, I’ll wait.

The hell you will, you just went through that long-ass hold time, you know we’re busy. Leave a message and try again later, kthnxbye.


Me: How can I help you?

Caller: I just went through your phone menu to order some slips but I can’t remember if it asked me how many I wanted and I DON’T KNOW WHAT I JUST DID!

facepalm Alrighty then.


Me: How can I help you?

Caller: Yes, I just logged in to your website, how do I use it?

Me: If you check on the side, there’s an option for online training, just watch the videos and take the tests and you’re all set!

Caller: ….Oh. No one is going to go over it on the phone with me?

Me: I’m sorry sir, no one is available to do that, that’s why we provide the videos. I’m sure it will be much easier to understand since you will be able to see what they are describing rather then me trying to explain over the phone.

Caller: I thought someone would go over everything with me on the phone.

Me: (internally: Why? Who told you we would do that?) I’m sorry about that. They are all less then 10 minutes and go over everything you need to get started. If you have any further questions you can call back.

Caller: If I don’t understand everything after the videos, I am cancelling my account!

Me: (internally: You probably should. It’s not that hard so if you can’t follow basic instructions we don’t need your account.) I understand, sir. Have a nice day.

2018 is shaping up to be just as dumb as 2017!

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I want to speak to Gary.

An email I sent to the manager assist line. Worst call I’ve taken in months.