"You don’t sound very upset about this"

So I used to work for a luxury car brand in their call center. Said luxury car brand had many problems with their brakes being too loud when it was wet outside. Now, this is a normal phenomenon with performance brakes, you’ll hear the brakes squeal whether you’re driving a Porsche, Audi, BMW, or any other sports/luxury car. But of course because it’s a luxury car, that’s not acceptable and a good 50% of our calls at the center between the months of October and March were about brake noise.

So we’re rolling into April, and I’ve already decided I’ve had enough. I’d been working at the center for eight months at that point, and after waking up on a near daily basis by stress-vomiting the remains of my dinner from the last night I decided that the meager wage I was being paid to get screamed at on a regular basis wasn’t worth it.

Anyway, a guy calls in with a Flagship Vehicle. For those who don’t know Flagship Vehicle owners are supposed to be treated with kid gloves because they spent six figures on the Flagship Vehicle and the luxury car brand wants to make sure that they buy another Flagship Vehicle when they want a new car. And as I’m sure you can guess by this point the brakes on his Flagship Vehicle were making noise when he stepped on the brakes.

Okay, lets give him some troubleshooting options. Brakes squeal when metal dust builds up on the brake discs, brake hard to clean it off, same way you would with rust. Nope, unacceptable, fix my brakes now. Take it to the dealer, they can clean your brakes for you. Nope, unacceptable, fix my brakes now, and I don’t want to pay anything for it. Sir, your car is three years old and you have 60,000 miles on it. You are way outside your brake warranty, which doesn’t even cover this. I want to speak to a manager.


Our “team leads” take calls, in theory. In practice, they spend 80% of their clocked in time training new hires because the brand can’t keep anyone on the phones for even a full year. I do not have a manager available. I’ll have one call you back.

“Fine, but you know? I expected more as a Flagship Vehicle owner. You don’t sound very upset about this.”

I snapped. Eight months of constant verbal abuse finally wore me out and I uttered the words I’m sure everyone who has ever worked in a call center has longed to say.

“You know what buddy? Suck my dick.”


He never called in again. I never heard anything from the higher ups, so I’m guessing the call wasn’t recorded. I quit the position two weeks later, and after three months of unemployment where the only job offers I received were for other call center positions, I am happily employed as a bartender on the other side of the state.

I love my new job, but every time I see one of those cars on the road I’m reminded of how good it felt to finally tell one of those entitled fucks to blow me.

Edit: Fixed a timing mistake in my second to last paragraph

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2 classic tales + nice bonus tale :)