What do you mean I can’t have internet?

I’ve posted multiple times here before. Before I tell you this story which happened yesterday, I wanna say I love my job.

I was working in the queue screening some agent tickets that shouldn’t have been sent off and I came across one that read: “NO INTERNET CONNECTION. ACCOUNT SUSPENDED FOR NON-PAYMENT. First, ticket shouldn’t have been sent. Second, why didn’t you put them through to credit? Third, now I have to call this customer and get my head torn off.

So, I call the customer. It was a very young man who only had internet and a cell phone. They will be C, I’ll be D.

C: Hello?

D: standard greeting the reason why I’m calling is in regard to your no internet case.

C: Yes. Did you fix it?

D: Well, unfortunately I can’t. You are behind on your bills and suspended for non-payment.

C: silence

D: Hello?

C: screaming NO. NO. RECONNECT ME NOW. I NEED INTERNET.

D: Sir, calm down. I cannot reconnect you, however, I can get you over to credit and arrange something with them.

C: And if I don’t want to?

D: You won’t have internet.

C: What do you mean I can’t have internet? Please reconnect me.

D: I cannot.

C: I need my internet to watch porn. Can you connect me now?

D: I will put you through to credit. transfer

C: click

So not only was I deaf, I knew what he wanted his Internet for. Oh the joys of tech support.