“You want me to help evict your underage son? Fine, let me get you arrested in the process.”

(I used to work at a shelter hotline and placed people who were homeless into a shelter. This was not our typical call – even the woman just wanting to kick her son out – but we were supposed to be polite at all times and try to assist. This took place in 2013.)

Me: “Thanks for calling (shelter hotline). How can I help you?”

Woman: “Hi, how can I kick my son out of the house?”

Me: “I am going to state I’m not an eviction expert and my word isn’t law. Is he on the lease and/or is he 18?”

Woman: “He’s not 18.”

Me: “You can’t evict him yourself. You would have to call CPS.” (Some exceptions to this.)

Woman: “But you don’t understand. They’re involved. I WANT HIM OUT NOW.”

Me: “Sorry to hear that. Have you contacted your caseworker?”

Woman: “She won’t answer her phone.”

Me: “Have you called the police?” (Probably not needed. But you never know.)

Woman: “I don’t know. I cornered him in the laundry room and slapped him.”

Me: “I think you should call the police.”

Woman: “Well his aunt is watching him right now, and she has a taser…”

Me: WTF “Yes, calling the police sounds like a good idea… They can help you kick your son out.”

Woman: “Okay. I think I’ll do that before she tases him again.”

Me: “Great!”

(The woman hung up. I took down her number and immediately called my boss, who DID call the police. The son was removed before the end of the weekend. My boss said the woman was very irate when she and the aunt were the ones who got arrested. The kid was about 15, I think.)

What do you think?

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“But you’re white!”

“Yeah, we kicked them all out for doing cocaine in the bathroom on a mirror.”