People were crying, my partner was biting his knuckle, and I was having the time of my life

I work for one of the most hated Cable Companies in America, in an inbound call center, helping repair video. This was back in my training days.

Fella calls in, and from his voice I’m guessing he’s probably mid 50’s with a slight disability. Genuinely nice fella, account has been paid in full every month for years, nothing is broken.

So far, so good.

Turns out that he needs help ordering movies, because he can’t read – but he can spell out letters, can I help him with the titles?

So Older Fella (OF) asks middle aged me (MAM) to help him find something entertaining. Worth mentioning; I’m a woman in my mid 40’s but have a young sounding voice.

I was (at that point) in a full call center, with my partner doubled in and listening, surrounded by classmates and my teacher.

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~

OF – I need help with these words, can you help me?

MAM – absolutely! Spell them out and we’ll figure them out together.

… they were porn. All of them were adult movies, and he just needed help getting films of “the pretty ladies he liked to watch”

Glad he got me, because I’m unflappable. So off we went….

I explained about 15 altogether, but these are the later ones that stand out in my memory. At this point I was getting a little punchy. Also, the reactions from the people around me were funny as hell but kind of distracting

OF – okay, C-R-E-A-M…C-R-A-V-I-N-G-…C-O-U-G-A-R-S…3

MAM – Okay, that’s Cream Craving Cougars Three – sounds like a trilogy, did you catch the first two?

OF – D-O-M-I-N-A-T-R-I-X D-U-N-G-E-O-N-

MAM – um, that’s “Dominatrix Dungeon”

OF – what’s a Dominatrix?

MAM – uh, that’s a movie where grown ups paddle each others heinies

OF – oh, no, don’t think I’d like that

MAM – OK, what do you like?

OF – I like two girls

MAM – well, who doesn’t? Lets see what we can find for you..

Got him off (hurr) the call a few minutes later, because his pay per view was about to start.

When I hung up, I looked around and saw the carnage.

My partner had been laughing so hard he was crying, some of my more sheltered classmates looked faintly shell shocked, and my instructor said “good call” … because it’s a product we sell, and we can’t be shy about that kind of thing.

Still, never thought I’d be reading out explicit porn titles in a room full of professionals in a business setting. Good times.

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