Due to HIPAA I can’t share the exact customer name but I’ll use wildcards in place of the real name.

I do my usual greeting: “… … May I have … first and last name?”

Caller tells me their name is “A name1 B name2”.

me: “I’m sorry did you say the first name is name1?” her: “It says on my member card A name1” me: “Okay thank you and what was the last name?” her: “name2”

I continue by obtaining other necessary information in order to look up the account and follow HIPAA.

me: “Please give me one moment to pull this account up, ma’am.”

She senses that I can’t pull up the account.

her: “I don’t know why you guys can never look my account up. Do you want the member ID?”

me: “Yes please ma’am.”

I looked the account up with that and it did display her name as A name1 B name2″ I typed “name1” for first name and “name2” for last name because obviously people don’t have a name like “Z Richard C Hobbes, right? RIGHT?.

I wonder why we can never look up her account.. HMMM. It’s not like she has a first name that is literally a letter, then a middle name that looks like a first name, a last name that is only a letter and then an extra I-don’t-know-what on the end of her name.. or wait, is the first letter a mistake and the rest is the name? Who knows.. but the big question is:

WHY CAN’T WE EVER LOOK UP HER ACCOUNT?

Also, the way she pronounced “name1″ was incorrect based on the spelling. She stated her name like a common name but it was spelled missing the last vowel which completely changes the pronunciation.”