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Project Manager at a call center for context.
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So it was a normal Monday. I work remote and the gist is I have a book of business clients, typically small-to-medium business owners I have consultations with.
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I am at work. Every day. I in fact volunteered for Monday(MLK Day) so I wouldn’t have to cover holidays the rest of the year. To quote Clerks “I wasn’t even supposed to be here today.” Had a whole game plan. Plans to go to Germany with family, pay debt off after tax season, get my teeth fixed with new insurance(through work mind you). Then certifications(which get expensive) car, dog, and off we go into life liberty and all that crap. And Every day, I exceeded metrics within my company. For 4 years I did this, kissing asses fatter than the day is long. It put this almost what I could only compare to a metaphorical poison on my soul. This bitter thing that wasn’t me, but enflamed by this customer service bullshit persona I presented for years to pay the rent and buy groceries.
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welp.
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That all came down like a house of cards when whilst thinking I was on mute, the utterance found its way out of my lips:
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“Fuckin’ Cocksucker”
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This happened less than 24 hours ago so I’m still kind of in a weird space. Naturally this sub seemed like the place to go get it out somewhere visible. I know what I did was wrong, I’ve listened to the call twice now and I definitely said it.
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For some further context on the call, the guy was an ass. Full disclosure I don’t feel bad about calling him that, he was being a fuckin’ cocksucker. Having said that, it was unprofessional. I know this and fully should not have done that at all.
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Basically I was reviewing a product that was built for them by our design team. The customer has the ability to make changes with a modifications team after this. I facilitate how to use the product , how to make changes, and get feedback. So on our call, he shits all over the product just over and over again about how it wasn’t what he requested in notes(which mind you, he didn’t give us shit for notes to work with). I’m reassuring him the entire call, best customer service foot forward, he’s complaining he’s having a hard time understanding me because of call quality. Basically when it rains it pours situation.
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15 minutes I’m on this call and we finally make it to the end. That’s it, we’re done. Cool. I go to mute my mic on the headset only later to discover my headset mic wasn’t active, my laptop mic was.
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The reason I found this out is because the customer emailed me minutes after the call asking verbatim:
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“Did you call me a COCKSUCKER????”
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And since stupid is as stupid does, I fucking lied.
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“No I did not.”
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And that was it really. I told my manager immediately. We actually have a good relationship and I knew there was no way I wasn’t getting fired. I left no details out, sent the call log to her. I felt bad, She knows I work hard and she always had my back, but it was just one of those things there was no way around. She’s actually really bummed about it. She was gracious enough to let me turn in a two week notice.
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She sent me home, told me to still clock in tomorrow because upper leadership wasn’t in today due to the holiday. I sent my two week resignation in a few hours ago.
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I don’t feel bad about what I said, I feel bad about the people I affect ultimately though. I let the pressure fucking break me and I felt weak and stupid. It affected my boss, my roommates, my livelihood. Two words brought it down all because I didn’t check my shit.
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I just wanted to get this out there in the ether. I’m feeling better than I did earlier but I definitely bawled my eyes out initially because I felt so goddamn stupid, thankfully my dad was there to talk me through it. I’m handling it pretty well I think considering- just feels a little surreal and I’ll have to adjust. I’m not religious but I think the phrase “blessing in disguise” applies.
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Eventually I got to the point of “Am I going to let this job be responsible for my happiness?”
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Which I was able to get to a surprisingly quick confirmation:
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“No.”
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If there’s some of you out there who have or feel like you might blow your lid, it happens. It’s just a job, my friends and family have been supportive at the get and that really helps. Also on the ups, there’s some mild liberation I feel, I didn’t get to leave on my own terms, but I’m finally leaving and I feel good about it(aside from the financial anxiety). I’m excited for more daylight hours to take a more focused dive into my passions and a different industry I want to have a career in. Small bump on life’s road, and what really gets you through is good passengers in the car.
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Thanks for letting me vent it out, and hopefully it can provide some kind of catharsis to some of you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s just going to involve some ramen packets for a while 🙂
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tl;dr Called a customer a ‘fuckin’ cocksucker’ over the phone thinking I was on mute. I was not. Boss was cool and is letting me quit
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