I wish it’s a prank and not ignorance.


So, get this… lady enters my chat queue and complains her smart watch’s battery percentage is decreasing. I thought, “oh, short battery run time… okay!” — nope, they’re upset the watch is losing battery percentage *at all* and concludes our product is low quality because of it!

They are bothered why it can’t retain 100% battery indefinitely. Overthinking ensues and they ask, “If I turn it off on 9:30 AM, then turn it on 6:40 PM… what is the expected battery percentage?”

I had to be straightforward and emphasize that *any* piece of equipment that requires a battery will, as expected, consume it. There’s no infinite power. This transcends “not being tech savvy” or “I’m too old so this doesn’t make sense”, because even before I was born, batteries have existed so I can’t wrap my head around their unawareness.

They replied, “So, it’s normal?”

It’s tough not to sound sarcastic when presented with a stupid question. “Yes, that’s literally what ‘expected behavior’ means!”

Then, they wanted advise how to lengthen the lifespan. Okay, this is a more sensible question. I give the info and they ask, “Are you sure it’s okay to do these?”

Oh, shit, Sherlock, no, it’s not. I just randomly pulled answers out my ass because why the fuck not?

The final straw was when they asked, “Which smart watch do you own?” I honestly answered, “I’ve tried a couple ones, but it personally doesn’t fit my specific needs so I don’t currently own one.” And then, they disconnected abruptly — this is always a bad omen.

As expected, the very next day, I see a “very dissatisfied” survey with a message, “Wayne didn’t have a smart watch. It sounds like he’s copying info somewhere because how else will he know how to help me if he never even uses a smart watch? He needs to undergo training from day 1!”

Holy shit, lady, like, I’m not a car guy and never owned or drove one, and I don’t have to, in order to *know* a car consumes gas!


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No, I cannot fix your battery over the phone

I’m more important than any other customer that asked for an appointment before me!