I’m still wondering how my response made him feel.

This happened in chat support. Assbutt has $0.99 storage plan subscription charged to his card by default, except this time the wife’s got charged so he wants it refunded.

The payment method is a third party payment service. It’s like an e-wallet where you can add multiple cards and pay/receive — I have knowledge how it works having worked phone support for them before.

Regarding their refund request: I’ve set their expectations we can refund the $0.99, but as with all subscription refunds it comes with a cancellation. Since it’s a storage plan, I informed he’d lose data so he should temporarily backup files somewhere else > get his refund+cancellation > re-subscribe.

He was not happy with this suggestion and asked why his card was NOT charged to begin with.

Me: So disclaimer: this is not part [my company]’s training for chat or phone advisors. What I’m about to discuss comes from personal experience. [Payment service] works like this: it will attempt to charge your primary card first, but if for any reason it cannot, then it will move to the next — which is probably your wife’s card.

Assbutt: Why would my card have problems with $0.99? That’s ridiculous!

Me: If you used the actual card and problems happened, our tools would know why. But, since you used [payment service] then info would only be available on their customer service’s tools so if you want the “why”, you’d ask them.

Assbutt: So you’re telling me [my company] is too big of a company to do something so small?

Me: I’m not sure what you mean by that, but if you’re pertaining to the refund+cancellation policy then please understand I’m just a stormtrooper in the Empire, so to speak — bound within this company’s policies. We have a feedback page where frustrations and suggestions are better communicated, but I’m here if you want the hows and whys and fixes.

NOTE: HUGE CREDIT to one Redditor here for the “I’m a stormtrooper in the Empire” quote. I forgot your username, but you made a post/comment in the past with that and it really stuck with me and have been using it ever since!

Assbutt: Can I get a refund without cancellation?

Me: A cancellation is always bundled with a refund if we process this. Technically though, you can do refund without cancellation, but it’s a double-edged sword. If refunds are processed from the payment method institution and not us — then this could eventually lead to your [my company] ID account disablement if done multiple times. Your third option, if I’m thinking outside the box, is: don’t get a refund at all, instead just remove [payment service] and then add ONLY your actual card and none else. So this way you get the best of both worlds: no subscription cancellation and the wife’s card will never be charged again, as you have requested earlier.

Assbutt: Okay. I’ll see what I can do.

Me: Sure thing. I’ve emailed you instructions how to modify payment methods if you ever need a guide. Do you have any other concerns?

Assbutt: Yeah, my pup keeps missing the paper and keeps peeing on the floor.

Me: Well, I’m not sure how you feel behind those words with respect to what we’ve talked about but if that’s a serious inquiry: wipe the floor with isopropyl alcohol and bleach. If dogs smell pee on a certain spot they will always go back there. Remove the scent and make sure they always pee on the paper so the scent remains there. If you dispose the paper, make sure to place it in the same spot.

Note: This isn’t even part of our actual job anymore. We do tech + billing issues, but I really wasn’t certain if he was making a sarcastic petulant remark or making a genuine inquiry.

Assbutt: Ok, thanks.

Me: Do you have other tech/billing concerns?

Assbutt: No.

Me: That wraps it up. Thanks for contacting [my company] support. Since you don’t need more, I’ll be ending chat now.

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