“You don’t know what the problem is!”

I work for a satellite tv provider, and I got a call from a crazy lady that made me want to bang my head into the desk. She also had a thick southern accent and talked so fast it reminded me of when I spoke to people high on meth. So at certain points I was like is this lady speaking in tongues.

Me will be me CL will be her.

I first get the call and can barely understand her, eventually I’m able to make something out and that’s where I’ll start the story off.

CL: There’s words on my screen, I want them off before my show starts. Can you help with get those off quickly please?

Me: Oh! Words on your screen? Like subtitles? Yes I’ll be happy to help with that. First I just wanna identity what type of remote you’re using-

CL: It’s not the remote! I’ve got two remotes and the other one isn’t working! But it’s not the remote!

Me: Right, I don’t think you’re having a remote issue but I want to identify what type of remote you’re using so I know what commands to give you. Does your remote have-

CL: It’s not the remote!! I told you I’ve got two remotes, the other one isn’t working! It’s not the remote! The remote isn’t working I can’t turn the words off!!

This goes on for the first seven minutes of the call. She keeps saying the remote isn’t working so I try to verify if it’s working or if she just isn’t doing the right thing, which wastes another four minutes of her interrupting me and telling me it’s not the remote. I eventually give up and hope I know which remote shes using and tell her which button to press.

Me: Okay press this button twice.

CL: That isn’t going to fix it! I’ve already done that the words are still there!

Me: Right that isn’t going to turn them off, I need you to get to the menu-

CL: Yes it’s not going to work! Are you going to help me or not? I’m trying to catch my show and this is taking too long and I’m trying to be patient with you!

Me: Yes ma’am I’m trying to help, if you’ll let me finish the button I’m having you press will not turn them off-

CL: It’s not going to turn the words off I’ve tried! Can you fix it or not?

Me: Yes if you’ll let me finish, that will open up the menu and I need you to go to settings so we can get to accessibility settings.

CL: I can open up the menu! I already did that it didn’t work! I’ve got it open now it’s showing me what shows are on now and coming on! Are you going to fix this or not? You’re making me mad you don’t know how to fix this!

Me: Ma’am the guide is different than the menu, and I promise I understand what the issue is and I know how to fix it. I need you to press this button twice and not exit out of it or open the guide.

CL: That isn’t going to work!! You don’t know what you’re talking about! You don’t understand what the problem is! You can’t fix it, that’s clear!! And my show just came on and I had to fix it myself you didn’t do anything goodbye!

Me: Take care!

This call lasted 22 minutes, what is the point of calling me and telling me I don’t know what I’m doing and that you’ve already tried everything and it’s not working. There’s not a magic button on my end that will turn closed captions off you have to follow my instructions. Lord help whoever gets her next.