This is why humanity can’t have nice things

I’m definitely a lurker on this subreddit, but mostly because I’m one of those tinfoil paranoid folks who are worried their work will identify them and they’ll get in some kind of trouble somehow for anonymously sharing vibrant, anonymous tales of the chaos…

…with that said liquid courage helps a bit. (;

A bit of an older one. For this I will be Me (obvs) and our customer will be Karen (obvs).

Me: “Hello! This is hashtagsi. I’m a member of leadership here at the wonderful world of Chaos. I heard you wanted to speak with me. Is this Karen?”

Karen: “YES I DID. I am so f******** p********* right now. I cannot believe you consider this to be customer service.”

–We interrupt this story with a PSA that yes I can disconnect abusive calls however I don’t care if people cuss because usually they’re just mad at the situation and become decent humans once we are on the same page. /PSA–

Me: “Oh my goodness. I definitely want to make sure that you are getting the customer service you deserve as such an amazing patron! (Kind Coworker) told me a bit about what happened and I want to make sure we find you a resolution and re-instate your trust as a company!”

Karen: “You want to find me a resolution? Here is MY resolution. Fire (Kind Coworker” and send me out a new phone, for free! Not one of those f***** refurbished phones either. I am NOT doing a warranty exchange. I paid for this phone OUTRIGHT IN FULL…”

*Spoiler alert: we sent her the phone for free. In fact we have sent her four free phones in the last year and has a running credit on her account from courtesy credits they have sadly banned me from reversing. Karen’s a bit infamous on my team.

Karen: “I bought this phone new and it is no longer working! It keeps messing up on me. (Kind Coworker) said they would only send me a warranty exchange of the same exact phone. OBVIOUSLY I wouldn’t want the same phone if this model is faulty! She’s a moron and I expect a brand new upgraded model sent out to me right now and I never want to hear (Kind Coworker)’s voice again!

Me: (insert BS empathy statements, lying about something so the customer can relate to me yada yada) “I will absolutely review the previous call to provide feedback for (Kindly Coworker) on your experience. With that said we will not be able to send you out a different model. The one we sent you was a one time courtesy and not something we will be able to do again in the future. We are, however happy to explore the possibility of a warranty exchange”.

Karen: “ABSOLUTELY NOT. You expect me to continue to pay for service I cannot use because I do not have a working phone? Either credit my bill until I can buy one or send me a new phone at no cost to me NOW”.

Me, secretly exasperated already: “We charge monthly for the services to be available to you. It is your choice how much you choose to use your service. With that said, I notice that you have not actually needed to pay for a bill since (about 6 months from this convo) which is fantastic since your device was working during that time! Honestly we can call it a trade off if you’d like since it looks like those may have been applied in error”.

Karen: ensues about 20 minutes of screaming and hangs up.

The cherry on top: she was on said “malfunctioning phone” for about an hour with us WITH NO ISSUES. 😱 It’s a dagnammit miracle!

submitted by /u/hashtagsi
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Taxes exist and have always existed on your bill, you dingbat

”Why are you not charging me???”