Hoo boy…. This one had me in tears of laughter
Me: Thanks for calling [Bank], my name is Kitbird, how can I help you?
Her: Hi, so, I have some charges on my card- this store supposedly refunded me $77, but then charged me $200, and won’t refund the $200-
Caller gets interrupted by a store employee, then continues.
Her: -So, yeah, they guaranteed their products were sterile, and the tape on the first one was off, and after they upsold me to another product I found out they weren’t, so, I was wanting to dispute the charge.
Me, a little nonplussed: Alright, sure, let me get your name please?
Me: And the last four of your social-
Her, talking to someone in the store: Disturbance? I’m on the phone with my bank- Well, yes, because you said it was sterile- Ma’am, I’m not ‘causing a disturbance’, I’m having a phone conversation-
Now, as I’m unintentionally eavesdropping on this conversation, the caller’s tone is nice, friendly, upbeat, cheerful. At no point does she ever raise her voice or sound aggressive. I am more than just a little nonplussed now.
At some point I cotton on that this is about adult products. This doesn’t help the whole “nonplussed” thing.
Her, finally turning her attention to me: I’m so sorry ma’am, the store workers are getting upset that I’m trying to dispute the charge, and- [getting interrupted again] -Well, yes, ma’am, you guaranteed your products were sterile, and then I watched you sell a display model, so- [back to me] Ma’am, your calls are all recorded, right?
Me: Yes, of course.
Her: Okay, awesome, I am so sorry this is taking so long, but now I feel like I need to stay on the phone so I have the recording-
At this point, the caller starts having a conversation with a manager on the store phone. I can’t hear the other end of the convo, but at one point I can hear a raised voice.
Her, speaking to the manager: Hi, ma’am, I’m so sorry for the fuss- well, no- Yes, the store worker, Brandi, she claimed the products were sterile. She let me return the first product when I found the tape wasn’t sealed, but now she won’t return the second product for the same reason and says it’s store policy – no, I did not say that. Ma’am, I’m not yelling. Yes, I understand. She already returned a product for the same exact reason. I wouldn’t even be complaining otherwise-
This conversation doesn’t go very well. The caller is STILL very calm and pleasant the whole time. She finally turns her attention back to me.
Her: So, they’re now threatening to call the police, so I’m gonna go ahead and head out of here- I’m sooo sorry I’ve kept you on the line so long, you’ve got my attention now, thank you so much for your patience-
I take her through authentication, explain to her how a dispute is going to pan out, recommend that she file her own police report/complaint to have it on record. After we wrapped up her business we chatted about the situation.
For a more coherent narrative:
She explained how she had noticed the tape on the first item she bought wasn’t sealed right. She came in to return it based on that. They – more specifically, the aforementioned “Brandi” – accepted the return based on the fact that it was not “sterile as promised” aka the tape was broken. Brandi then upsold her to another product at more than twice the cost, swearing sterility up and down. During/after the purchase, she discovered, by dint of observation (literally while she was making the purchase another customer was being served), that the workers would take the products out of packaging, handle them, wipe them with wet wipes, and pack them back up. Then resell these “display models” and claim they were sterile.
None of which, the caller clarified several times, would necessarily be a problem, if the workers didn’t explicitly promise multiple times they were medically sterile, AND, if they hadn’t ALREADY allowed a refund based on the fact that the product was already opened. Brandi then told the manager that none of this actually happened.
Apparently at some point Brandi was like, “Well, nothing can REALLY be sterile, after all, it’s made in a factory!””
Caller: I should have told her, “next time you’re at the ER and I drop a needle on the ground, I won’t even bother getting a new one, I’ll just wipe it off and use it anyway, since it can’t REALLY be sterile anyway.”
Another fun tidbit from the caller:
“This is like, the only shop like this for miles. The police are gonna show up and I’m gonna be in the news for trying to make a return. We’re a small town! My parents live here! Can you imagine?” Lots of laughter from both of us
We parted ways with laughter and a final bit of humor:
“Well, I’m going to Walmart now to make a return for my grandmother. I’m gonna be calling you if there’s trouble so you can record that, too, since apparently I’m getting arrested for making returns tonight!”
edit: tldr: adult store calls cops on a customer for trying to return a product that was promised to be sterile, then claimed that nothing could ever be sterile anyway.