There’s lots you can do at work…just not that.

Many moons ago I was a Supervisor for a government sub-contractor call center, we dealt with Government Medical Benefits around 2012-2013. I have tons of stories about jerk callers, entitled people, and really dumb employees. This story is about the most entertaining termination I had to initiate.

First the Cast:

Me: Best Supervisor you’ve never had

Brian: Partner overnight supervisor

Marco: Dipshit #1

Diana: Dipshit #2 who’s dating Dipshit #1

So being a supervisor for Overnights, I ended up getting fairly friendly with most of the staff, even the ones outside of my team. Everyone knew I who I was and could hear me coming because I hang my house/car/desk keys off my belt loop with a carabiner. I had one simple rule for all my employees, stop doing stupid shit when you hear my keys. I don’t have to do paperwork, you keep your job, easy peasy. Unfortunately we went on a hiring spree after our program launch was picked up by national news and blasted the phone number everywhere prior to our staffing being sufficient so tons of new faces and cliques formed so people kinda didn’t talk to each other as much as they should have, so fewer and fewer people knew about the keys thing.

I remember interviewing Marco and his girlfriend Diana, I remember telling HR I didn’t think they were a good fit, I remember telling HR I would fire them if they ended up on my team, I also remember the utter shock I was in when I saw them in training on my introduction day. After training the supervisors get a report from the trainers about the aptitude/competency of each employee, I asked Brian to see Marco and Diana’s reports. They were both listed as disruptive, inattentive, and should be kept separate. At the start this wasn’t a problem since we had assigned desks and I was in charge of it so I put Diana in the void on my team and Marco was in the void on Brian’s about 40 feet away from each other. But then we got over staffed on morning/mid-shift so seating just kinda became a free-for-all at night since there was so many empty desks (remember the government closes at 5). Marco and Diana never really integrated with other team members so they kept to them selves even when they were separated.

About a month after open seating starts one of my employees comes over and asks to talk to me privately, I grab my senior female employee (since im a dude and she wanted to talk in a meeting room with no windows) and the 3 of us go talk. She tells me that shes pretty sure two people on Brian’s team are fooling around on the floor. “Like fooling around how?” I ask. “Well I saw a girl with her head under a guys desk all the way over toward the wall”. I poke my head out and the only desks facing a wall are actually facing a window, but then I see the spiky greasy hair of Marco. “You mean those two?” I point and she confirms so I chuckle and thank her for telling me and we all get back to work. I tell Brian and he basically blows it off so I tell everyone who in the smoking area that I trusted to keep an eye out when they go back in and to text me if those two are up to anything.

The next day I get a text from one of my team telling me to come check out something outside, I run out and right through the window I see Diana with her hand in Marco’s lap going up and down. Trying to not laugh loud enough they’ll hear through the window I call the security officer over so he can be a witness. By the time her got there they were both really into it and weren’t keeping it under the desk. After about a minute I told the other two I was going to take it to HR in the morning (this meant staying till 7 AM when I’m supposed to leave a 3 AM) and that they may have a meeting tomorrow.

The next night when I get into the office HR and Brian are already in the meeting room waiting on my signature and the witness statements. When Marco and Diana were pulled into the HR office and walked out within a matter of about 10 minutes. They protested that they weren’t doing anything when the security guard came in with the security footage from when they got carried away and moved directly into view, they shut up and just walked out. Didn’t even clean out their lockers.

TL:DR – Couple gets hired together, then gets fired together because they couldn’t keep it in their pants.

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I can’t think of a title that can describe the stupidity of this agent

Bullet Dodged.