As you all know, I work at a bank. I truly hate my call center job and am looking to break free once I have enough savings….but some of the people I encounter really blow my mind.
Here is my retelling of a call I got from a cocky young man.
Me: Hi thanks for calling __________ bank. My name is _____, how can I help you?
Cocky Caller: Yes. I assume you are doing splendid my dear. Would you mind reading my account balances to me? I’ve struck a cold and cannot foresee opening the mobile application.
Me: this is a very common request but it still bugs me that I have to read people their fucking balances when they have a million other ways of knowing it that don’t involve me Of course, I’d be happy to read your account balances today.
Cocky Caller: Splendid.
Me: Let me place you through a brief security first. What is your date of birth, etc. Etc.
caller passed security, now I start reading him his balances
Me: eyes popping slightly Your available checking account balance is $547,284.48.
Cocky Caller: Ooh, I like the sound of that number! Mind reading it again?
Me: Yes, sir. Your checking balance is $547,284.48.
Cocky Caller: Ooooh. exhales
Me: getting weirded out ….and your savings account balance is —
Cocky Caller: interrupting NO can you please repeat my checking balance, good sir? I want to hear the number again.
Me: annoyed AF. Speaking deliberately and slowly like I was talking to a dumb person. You have F I V E hundred THOUSAND two hundred E I G H T Y f o u r dollars AND F O R T Y E I G H T cents.
Cocky Caller: silent, exhaling calmly very well. that’s a lot of money, isn’t it?
Cocky Caller: I bet you’ve never seen a balance like that, before sir.
Me: ……Probably not, I don’t know.
Cocky Caller: I’m certainly the wealthiest you’ve talked to all day. Aren’t you curious as to how I got to be so wealthy?
Me: That’s great sir. Sadly there are many calls waiting so I cannot really stray off topic too much. Is there anything else I could help you with?
Cocky Caller: Oh, don’t be so shy. You’re simply jealous of me, it’s fine, I get that a lot. I’m going to tell you anyway.
Me: extremely irritated
Cocky Caller: First, it is called investing early. I was 22 and started literally bla bla bla a bunch of jargon for two minutes on how he is so fucking rich from real estate and stocks*
Me: That’s fantastic. Anything else I can help you with today sir?
Cocky Caller: I bet you’ve never seen money like mine. You can’t act so casual when you see a number that large . In a LIQUID checking account. You would gasp at what I have tied up in investments.
Me: Sir, congratulations on your money. Truly. But it is not my job to have an opinion.
Cocky Caller: Well lets not pretend you DO have an opinion on what you see. Everyone does.
Me: Sir it was nice speaking to you but I’m going to disconnect if there is nothing else I can help you with.
Cocky Caller: Sir, mind reading me my checking account balance? Oh gosh, I seemed to have forgotten to write it down!
And that Caller remains one of the most creepy, cocky, and entitled pieces of shit that I’ve had the bad luck of speaking to.
TL;DR cocky guy asking me to stroke his ego was shut down when I wouldn’t act excited over his $$$