You might remember me from my last post Windows 95 tech support in the early days of internet porn. I submit for your approval another story: The Texan, racist, homophobe that my gay friend/coworker had on the line when we were supposed to go to lunch together.
I met my friend Chris at the tech support call center in ’96. I’m not even going to change his name because throw a stick and you’ll hit a guy/gal named Chris and he never identified himself as such over the phone. He answered the phone as “Kelly”, as he was very effeminately gay and sounded female over the phone; it’s ironic that “Chris” and “Kelly” are both normal for either gender. Chris was from the south and had a bit of a drawl. Super smart, friendly, and hilarious dude. Anyway.
I go down to the 10th floor from my usual spot on the 12th to collect him for lunch (strict 30 min lunch breaks and all). He’s on the phone. I’m hungry and a bit annoyed when he hands me his spare headset and motions me to plug it into his splitter so I can listen in.
My ears were treated to an awful Texan. Talking about ni***rs, sp*cs, and fa***ts. “Kelly” was talking as a female, friendly as can be. Commiserating with him about the aforementioned demographics. FRIENDLY AS CAN BE.
It turns out that what Chris had done was – after hearing enough of homophobic white supremacist’s shit – guided him to completely erase the partition table on his hard drive. None of the guy’s data was recoverable. By anyone. Ever (well, maybe the CIA or NSA, but w/e). Gone. Chris was waiting for me to come downstairs just so I could listen to this ass-clown for a few minutes. I got that. I truly got it. Then he did this:
[Kelly] Ok, sir, I totally get you about the degenerates and coloreds. Would you mind – I need to drop down to the research department [no such thing] – can you hold a few minutes? It’s very important that you stay on the line because only I know how to get your data back out of memory (or something equally dumb, knowing the data has already passed into the realm of non-existence). It will take a little bit, so stay on the line and be patient. Whatever you do, don’t hang up.
[TX] Yeah, sure, no problem, Kelly. It’s so nice to talk to a white Christian gal instead of all these fukkin’ Indians and fa****s and shit.
[Kelly] Great. punches hold button, looks at me, and says with a smile “let’s eat!”
We did. Over lunch he explained to me how he completely destroyed all of [TX] dude’s data while acting like he was helping. And when we got back to the 10th floor half an hour later [TX] was still on hold. I had to go back to my phone, but Chris sat there and waited for the light to stop blinking, which took a while and fucked up his numbers a bit.
But it was worth it.
Neither of us ever heard anything more about it.