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Not an amusing story, i need help or advice please call center related

Hello,

I’ve been working at a call center since September. It is my first job as a call center agent We sell furniture, but mostly we troubleshooting with delivery services and packages gone missing. We also get tons of people calling just asking for free stuff like shipping and promotions they are excluded from. Then when you Don’t do it they make you feel passively aggressively like your ruining their lives or day.

I had been working mostly physical labor jobs most of my life. I always thought when I finish school and just work in a cozy office job I’ll be so content finally. When I first started, I thought it was awesome in comparison to my previous jobs. The days seemed to fly by.

Over the course of months it’s just gotten progressively worse. I was a temp employee with amazing attendance at first. Torward the end of my temporary employment I started being absent due to inclement weather ( I drive 2 hours a day and my car sucks) and the occasional I just can’t wake up for this. I thought they would can me, but my numbers were off the charts and my supervisors love me. I was surprisingly one day offered a permanent position about 1 month ago and the benefits are stellar. The pay is still your average person making it paycheck to paycheck. I thought I could get motivated after this. All my absences we’re erased and I had a new start.

Since then, I’ve used 2 of my paid sick days and was late to work 3 hours one day. I’ve already struggled with depression. My absenteeism has been a problem since I was a child. I would always miss school. I really wanted to finally be consistent here because the supervisors really put their necks out to hire me on permanent. I feel like such a fake.

I’m pretty sure the 2 sick days are paid and aren’t considered as occurrences. I’m pretty sure the late day might be an occurrence but that would be my first one since mine as a temp were erased. Still, numbers aside, ive missed work like 8 times since September. 40 hour weeks.

I’m really depressed and anxious. I’ve come to the point of self medicating. I’m scared to go to the doctor and be prescibed something that can make it worse. It’s happened before. The main problem I have identified is my perception of the pace that time passes at. I can honestly live with people’s frustration and emphatise with them. We have all at one point been confused by customer service or lack thereof. When I’m at work, I feel like every minute is 2 minutes. So one hour is 2. I felt this way at my previous jobs but never worse than now.

I really am depressed at how much debt I owe and bills I pay. I still live at home and I can’t even motivate myself to save a little money because I figure I would just be smarter to pay more torward my debt to avoid interest to acrue. I went through a bad break up 3 years ago and still haven’t felt ok. I always feel like a terrible person. I always feel like I don’t fit in anywhere and I’m surprised that normal people are about to sustain effort at the rate that they do. I’m jealous of that. If people met me, they would never know how jaded I really am. I really am the kindest person externally to others. Inside, I feel like I’m always thinking I’m too good for this with no valid credentials to back that logic up.

I go back to work Wednesday and I can’t bear the idea of my supervisors having a talk with me. They never really have. Sometimes I feel like they are too easy on me and I’ve become complacent. I have likely the best statistics in the building. Everyone else seems to be walking around or talking. I can’t even blame them. The repetitive nature is so odd to me. Most jobs are, but the voices of people just Pierce into my ear and it hurts on a mental level. I’m great at the job but I despise the idea of walking in again. I can’t even enjoy my off days because I keep thinking of being there again soon. I barely have any money, I can’t just quit. I want to file bankruptcy and get a fresh start but I have no money for that. I can’t enjoy anything anymore, I’m just so regretful. Any advance would be appreciated. Particularly perhaps what kind of job i should look into if my perception of time moves at a snails pace. Thanks for reading.

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I don’t have WiFi in the Park, give a new phone.

What do you mean my payments go towards my bills?!