"Ma’am, you’ll need a receipt from a cleaning service before we go back…"

Going through and posting a few gems from my years in call centers, and figured this one counts as one of the best.

I’m still working in Delivery and Install for the Beers-soundalike at this point, and one lady called in super upset that the installer wouldn’t come back out to finish the install of her TV.

Now, TVs are super simple if they don’t have a wallmount included. Put TV in place, hook up to 1 or 2 devices like a DVD player or cable box, check if it works, leave. I’m curious why an installer wouldn’t finish an install, since its easy money as far as installs go.

Me: Opening spiel

Cust: You need to call your installer and tell him to get his ass back out here! They keep telling me they won’t come back and finish hooking my TV up!

Me: (Internally groaning) I’m sorry Ma’am, let me check your account and see what’s going on…

(Queue verification and such)

Me: Okay, so there’s a note that says they won’t come back… Did the installer say why he wouldn’t come back?

Cust: No, he just stopped in the middle of it and said he wasn’t coming back, and that bitch at the office says I need to clean my house!

It was here I got curious. See, we allowed our installers, since they were all contractors, to opt out of a job if the customer’s premises were in some way hazardous, or if the customer got hostile. Bug infestations, mold, crazy shotgun-wielding old men, you get the idea. So for this lady to be confused as to why she needed to clean, I was.. curious. I mean, what could be bad enough that an installer won’t come back, but not noticeable enough for someone to even know something is wrong?

So I put the customer on hold and call the installer’s office.

InOf: Installer Office, this is Patty.

Me: Hey Patty! I’m talking to a customer on my other line, and she says we won’t go back out to finish an install on-

InOf: Oh, is that -customer name-?

Me: Uh, yes. I just wanted to see why we wouldn’t go out, and if you’d consider releasing the job so we might be able to schedule somebody else.

InOf: Well, good luck. We’ll release it, but you should talk to Joe first, he was the installer on that one. Here he is.

Me: (Thinking this must be bad) Hey Joe! Can you tell me about -customer name-?

Joe: Yeah. Her house is filled with Cat Shit.



Me: Uh, excuse me?

Joe: Cat shit. Like, the lady has about ten cats, and no litter box, so they shit everywhere. It’s on the couches, the tables, the floor, counters, everywhere. (At this point, he sounds like a Vietnam vet, and he’s back in the jungle) I was willing to do it at first, just drop in the TV and plug it in, screw in the cable from the cable box, right? Well, I have to wipe off some baxter-turds from the entertainment center, and then when I reach back to plug it in, my hand sinks into a fat pile of Cat Shit, and I lose it. She has shit all over the power strip. That is dangerous. I washed my hand off in the sink, purel’d the hell out of it, and told her we needed a receipt from a cleaning service before we’d come back.

Me:… Well, I’d like you to know that we will back you 100%, and I’ll let the customer know she has a week to get a receipt, and if she doesn’t contact you, or you don’t hear from us, go ahead and cancel the ticket with a code for them canceling on you, so that you get paid for it.

Now, I get to explain all of this to the customer. Joy.

Me: Hello Ma’am? Thank you for holding-

Cust: When are they coming back?

Me: Well, after speaking with the installer, we agree that you will need to provide a receipt from a cleaning company before we’ll send someone back out.

Cust: What do you mean?! If they won’t do it, then just send somebody else!

Me: Ma’am, I’m sorry, but the installer has reported that your home isn’t safe, and we will not be sending someone else out until the house is cleaned.

Cust: Excuse me?! What do you mean, cleaned?! It’s not even dirty in here! What did they say?!

Me: (Boggled by this lady’s insistence that her house is clean) Ma’am, the installer reported that your house has numerous cat droppings out in the open, and that when he was installing teh TV he had to clean some of it off the entertainment center, and even put his hand in some when he was plugging it in on your power strip.

Cust: Oh, come on, it’s just a little cat shit!

I fought with her for another ten minutes before having to explain it to a supervisor, who then backed me up and said she could email him a copy of the receipt in the next week and we would send an installer back out.

TL;DR: Lady’s house is covered in cat shit. Installer refuses to go back. We back him on it.

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Unusually big phone bill with a twist.

Can I speak to someone from the United States? I don’t want to talk to anyone living in a jungle who gets paid 50 cents a day.