"I’m gonna report you guys to the FAA"

I’m in the sales department of a Telecom company, and so I get slightly less bullshit to deal with than the tech support, collections, or loyalty folks.

One standout however was a gentleman who was overall happy with his service, but annoyed that a promotional rate had expired on his account. This is pretty normal, because y’know, its a promotional rate, and it was a moot point because he was moving to a new location and getting to start over from scratch with a new promotion anyway. But he none the less turned this simple transfer of service call into a 30 minute ordeal, telling me all about his opinions of the company I work for, such as how we recently bought our biggest competitor (we haven’t), we offer worse service than everyone else (its pretty much the same), and how he won’t have to put up with us for much longer because google fiber is going to give everyone in his city internet (they aren’t).

He capped the whole conversation off by telling me that because we had raised his price without telling him (we had told him) he was going to report us to the FAA.

About once a week I think up a brand new witty retort, but in that moment I was about 20 minutes from the end of my shift. So I asked if he had meant the FCC. He said “yeah them” and told me to tell my boss that he was gonna do it I assured him I would. We parted on peaceful terms. Being the dutiful sales rep I am, I followed up on the promise I had made, and told my supervisor that this gentleman was going to report us to the FCC, for abiding by the terms of the contract he had signed. My supervisor and I reflected on the adorable naivete some customers possess, and the sad state of american bureaucracy, and then I went back to my desk and took another call.

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