Being a call centre veteran (for a UK ISP) I thought I would create a list of things that customers would say to me that would twist my melons. Please feel free to add to this list!
(C= Customer M=Me)
The Rude Ones
M: “Hi Good morning! You’re spea…”
C : ” HI?!? WHATS YOU’RE NAME? ARE YOU IN THE UK?!?”
The Sly Ones
C: “WHY MY BILL SO HIGH?”
M: “You have ordered £XX.XX amount of pay per view films.”
C: “NO I HAVEN’T”
M: ” I can Assure you, you have ordered and watched th…”
C: “ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?!? HOW DARE YOU I WANT TO SPEAK TO A MANAGER”
M: “No, however on our system I can see that the movie was viewed, paused 15 min in, rewound at minute 90 and rewound again to minute 86.” (We had a system that showed how each on demand movie was viewed to determine if the film had been viewed or purchased in error.)
C: *Click*
The Stupid Ones
C: “I wan’t to speak to Bichard Rrandson” ( The ISP I worked for had a very famous CEO, who owned the brand of the company, and not the company itself, as it was sold off)
The Xenophobic & Racist Ones
C: ” Are you in the UK?”
M: “Yes, you’re calling (insert Scottish town here). About 600 Miles away from you. Hows the weather down south?”
C: “You’re Scottish? Just as bad as those dot wearing P****S
The Call Centre Lawyers
C: ” I DEMAND A MANAGER ITS MY RIGHT. ARE YOU DENYING MY RIGHT?!?!”
The Bad Parents
C: “You cant get someone out until next week? but its the School holidays. What are my kids going to do?”
The Grinch
C: “You cant get someone out until next week? But its christmas!?!”
M: “I’m afraid that’s the next available date.”
C: ” Here speak to my kids and tell them why you are ruining Christmas”
The Mexican Standoff
C: “I’m not getting off this phone until I get *insert outrageous request*
M: “Fine by me, I’m getting paid for this. It’s not inconveniencing me. (Hoping the customer wont call my bluff as my manager would ram me for a high AHT)
The Jokers
M: “Anything else I can help you with today?”
C: ” Have you got the lottery numbers?”
M: “HAHAH THATS SO FUNNY I HAVE NEVER HEARD THAT JOKE 100000’s OF TIMES THIS WEEK HAHAH”
The Idiot
M: “Okay, I’ll call the tier 2 support team to get them to run a few tests. I’ll place you on hold while I call them. Ill get back to you asap”
C: “No dont put me on hold.”
M: “Sure, no worries, Ill give you a call back on this number then?”
C: “No, I’ll stay on the line while you speak to them.”
M: ” Are you sure? because I will need to place you on hold while I do that”
C: “I’VE TOLD YOU I DON’T WANT TO BE ON HOLD”
M: kill me now ” Customer, to keep you on the line and open another line to call T2 I need to put you on hold. I’m more than happy to call you back”
C: “That’s your problem, I’ve requested not to be put on hold, as its my right to do so. Figure it out”
The Honest Ones
C: “My engineer hasn’t arrived yet”
M: “They have said no one answered”
C: ” YEA THEY JUST CAME UP TO THE DOOR AND PUT A CARD THROUGH THE DOOR”
After much arguing, it transpires that the customer was not in the property
The Logical Ones
C: “My technician refused to enter the house without my daughter showing ID. WHAT 14 YEAR OLD HAS ID??”
M: “Wait…it was just your 14 year old daughter in the house?”
C: “YES!! BRING THAT RUDE TECH BACK”
M:” yea…. no… A fully grown adult is not going into a house with a 14 yer old girl. good day”
The Shy Ones
C: “You’re not having my account number. That’s my private information”
*Face palm*
The Colleague Betrayal
*Beep* “New call whisper” *beep*
M: *intro*
C: “Hello? Sorry, I was just speaking to Julie and they said they would get back to me after they put me on hold… I’m I speaking to someone else?
M: F**cking brilliant* “I’m sorry it looks like they transferred you”
Customer then proceeds to, rightly so, rip me a new one
I could go on and on with this list!
submitted by /u/DeathByCaller
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