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A List of my Irks

Being a call centre veteran (for a UK ISP) I thought I would create a list of things that customers would say to me that would twist my melons. Please feel free to add to this list!

(C= Customer M=Me)

The Rude Ones

M: “Hi Good morning! You’re spea…”

C : ” HI?!? WHATS YOU’RE NAME? ARE YOU IN THE UK?!?”

The Sly Ones

C: “WHY MY BILL SO HIGH?”

M: “You have ordered £XX.XX amount of pay per view films.”

C: “NO I HAVEN’T”

M: ” I can Assure you, you have ordered and watched th…”

C: “ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?!? HOW DARE YOU I WANT TO SPEAK TO A MANAGER”

M: “No, however on our system I can see that the movie was viewed, paused 15 min in, rewound at minute 90 and rewound again to minute 86.” (We had a system that showed how each on demand movie was viewed to determine if the film had been viewed or purchased in error.)

C: *Click*

The Stupid Ones

C: “I wan’t to speak to Bichard Rrandson” ( The ISP I worked for had a very famous CEO, who owned the brand of the company, and not the company itself, as it was sold off)

The Xenophobic & Racist Ones

C: ” Are you in the UK?”

M: “Yes, you’re calling (insert Scottish town here). About 600 Miles away from you. Hows the weather down south?”

C: “You’re Scottish? Just as bad as those dot wearing P****S

The Call Centre Lawyers

C: ” I DEMAND A MANAGER ITS MY RIGHT. ARE YOU DENYING MY RIGHT?!?!”

The Bad Parents

C: “You cant get someone out until next week? but its the School holidays. What are my kids going to do?”

The Grinch

C: “You cant get someone out until next week? But its christmas!?!”

M: “I’m afraid that’s the next available date.”

C: ” Here speak to my kids and tell them why you are ruining Christmas”

The Mexican Standoff

C: “I’m not getting off this phone until I get *insert outrageous request*

M: “Fine by me, I’m getting paid for this. It’s not inconveniencing me. (Hoping the customer wont call my bluff as my manager would ram me for a high AHT)

The Jokers

M: “Anything else I can help you with today?”

C: ” Have you got the lottery numbers?”

M: “HAHAH THATS SO FUNNY I HAVE NEVER HEARD THAT JOKE 100000’s OF TIMES THIS WEEK HAHAH”

The Idiot

M: “Okay, I’ll call the tier 2 support team to get them to run a few tests. I’ll place you on hold while I call them. Ill get back to you asap”

C: “No dont put me on hold.”

M: “Sure, no worries, Ill give you a call back on this number then?”

C: “No, I’ll stay on the line while you speak to them.”

M: ” Are you sure? because I will need to place you on hold while I do that”

C: “I’VE TOLD YOU I DON’T WANT TO BE ON HOLD”

M: kill me now ” Customer, to keep you on the line and open another line to call T2 I need to put you on hold. I’m more than happy to call you back”

C: “That’s your problem, I’ve requested not to be put on hold, as its my right to do so. Figure it out”

The Honest Ones

C: “My engineer hasn’t arrived yet”

M: “They have said no one answered”

C: ” YEA THEY JUST CAME UP TO THE DOOR AND PUT A CARD THROUGH THE DOOR”

After much arguing, it transpires that the customer was not in the property

The Logical Ones

C: “My technician refused to enter the house without my daughter showing ID. WHAT 14 YEAR OLD HAS ID??”

M: “Wait…it was just your 14 year old daughter in the house?”

C: “YES!! BRING THAT RUDE TECH BACK”

M:” yea…. no… A fully grown adult is not going into a house with a 14 yer old girl. good day”

The Shy Ones

C: “You’re not having my account number. That’s my private information”

*Face palm*

The Colleague Betrayal

*Beep* “New call whisper” *beep*

M: *intro*

C: “Hello? Sorry, I was just speaking to Julie and they said they would get back to me after they put me on hold… I’m I speaking to someone else?

M: F**cking brilliant* “I’m sorry it looks like they transferred you”

Customer then proceeds to, rightly so, rip me a new one

I could go on and on with this list!

submitted by /u/DeathByCaller
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I think this issue may be more important – but that’s just me.

The time that I got yelled at in 2 languages