‘Ohhhh, I see. I get it, I know what you lot are doing’

From just the other day…

I work for an energy company. In the UK they’re all strictly regulated and have to notify customers of certain events or changes on their accounts. Unfortunately this sometimes causes confusion but there’s an easy to understand blurb about this that I’ve developed which normally clears it up. However…

Me- me CMF- conspiracy-minded fool

We’d actually been having a reasonable conversation until this point- his email address declared his love for the same football team as my partner supports, so we complained about how badly they were doing in the Championship. Anyway-

CMF- ‘So what’s this £3.42 on my account?’

Me- (pulls up account) ‘Yes, I’ve found that amount. It covers a small amount of usage when you had estimated meter readings. When you provided readings, it altered your balance and the £3.42 credited back into your account. Your payments are covering what you’re using, everything’s running smoothly.’

CMF- ‘But why is it on my statement? Doesn’t make sense to me.’

Me- ‘I’m sorry Mr X, I know that the statements can be confusing, I didn’t understand them myself before I started working here! (launches into blurb) By law we have to give you detailed information about what’s happening in your account. Sometimes that means that you can see small amounts being debited from and credited to your account. I appreciate that seeing these can be concerning, but the invoice you have is for the correct amount after it’s all been worked out at the end of the billing period.’

CMF- (silence for a moment, I could hear the cogs turning) ‘Ohhhh, I see. IIIII get it, I know what you lot are doing.’

Me, (with the sinking feeling that comes from realising that a) you’ve got a nutter on the line and b) I’m on a freephone number and he’s retired and will spin this call out as long as he can)- ‘What do you mean sir?’

CMF- ‘Nice little scam isn’t it? A couple of quid here, a couple of quid there, it all adds up.’

Me- ‘Sorry, what are you saying?’

CMF- ‘No wonder you’re raking it in hand over fist. I bet you’re all in on it! How much extra do you get on your pay from this con?’

Me (realising that whatever I say will never be enough, he’s on his high horse now and he’s not getting off)- ‘Sir, you are accusing my company, my colleagues and myself of being thieves. Is that correct? ‘

CMF (not quite willing to say it)- ‘Well, it’s the only thing that makes sense. Creaming money off the top, don’t you earn enough?’

Me (working part time for minimum wage, a certain amount of ice may have entered my tone)- ‘Sir, I would like to put this forward as a complaint. Do you have a few minutes for me to officially log these accusations so they can be fully investigated by the fraud department and the police? We have to take these things seriously. Would you like to proceed?’

CMF (after such a long pause that I thought he’d hung up, in a small voice)- ‘Fuck off’ SLAM

And that is how people who can’t back up ridiculous allegations cope with being wrong.

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Why do you insist on talking over me?

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