Call comes in from a customer suspended for non payment. These usually go one of two ways: 1. Customer got a new credit card and forgot to update it for automatic withdrawals. Very apologetic, pays the bill, we reactivate service and they are on their way. 2. Customer is a foaming at the mouth asshole, claims either they did pay us, or we’re overcharging them, or the service sucks so WHY SHOULD I PAY FOR IT? Etc.
This was one of those calls…
Me: Thanks for calling this is LilacPenny how can I help you?
Customer: Yeah I wanna know why you shut off my internet after I just paid you people 200 fucking dollars.
Me: I’m so sorry to hear that, can I get your phone number so I can pull up your account and look into it?
C: proceeds to give me 6 different numbers until we find the one on her account
Me: (after verification lasting 10 minutes into the call) Great thanks, would you like to update your phone number so we can find your account faster the next time you call?
Me: (internally: whyyyy) Ok, so I’m just going to have to put you on hold for a couple minutes while I go over your account and see what’s going on.
C: heavy sigh
So upon reviewing this woman’s account I can see that she signed up in May and has NEVER made a payment, other than this $200 payment that came in yesterday. This account should have been disconnected months ago and fell through the cracks. Customer is on a pkg she obviously can’t afford and goes over her data half way through the month and has overage fees on every single bill.
Me: Thanks for holding, so after review I can see that your total balance before the $200 payment was $1000 and that was also the first payment we’ve ever received from you. In order for us to turn your services back on we need at least 50% of the total balance, after the $200 payment that would be an additional $300.
C: BUT I JUST FUCKING PAID YOU!!!!
Me: You owed $1000 though and you only paid $200…
(These same 2 sentences were literally repeated back and forth 5 more times)
C: Well your service sucks anyway why should I pay for it! I’m on a fixed income and I only get 1 cheque a month from my child tax credit and I use that to pay all my bills how do you expect me to live now my kids can’t watch Netflix anymore you took that away from my kids!!!!!!
Where to even begin…
Maybe you shouldn’t have something you can’t afford? Maybe you should have called us to lower your package or set up a payment plan? Maybe your kids could read or go outside until you get your shit together? Maybe you should use your child tax credit to buy them some books and not to pay YOUR bills? Maybe if your service is so bad you could have called us to troubleshoot? Maybe get a fucking job??? But I digress…
Me: I’m sorry to hear that, but there is nothing we can do until we receive at least a $300 payment, after that we can send out a technician to troubleshoot your service and lower you to a more affordable package if you like.
C: You guys are a bunch of fucking scam artists just cancel my fucking account. (Coming from the person who’s been using a service for 4 months and never once paid for it)
Me: I can certainly set up a cancellation for you, however you are 4 months into a 2 year term so you would have to pay our maximum cancellation penalty of $300
C: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH I DID NOT SIGN A FUCKING CONTRACT I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR FUCKING BOSS RIGHT NOW YOU FUCKING LIAR
Me: (all my nice customer service shit is officially OVER once you start getting personal) You definitely DID sign a contract on xx/xx/xxxx, I have a scanned copy of your signature on my screen right now. If you would LIKE to speak with a supervisor I can get one for you but I’m going to ask you to keep it professional going forward or I will have to disconnect the call. I can also tell you the supervisor is going to tell you exactly what I have.
C: You WILL get me a fucking supervisor immediately you little fucking -CLICK
and I hung up on her. I can’t stand deadbeat customers who have the balls to call in screaming about being cut off when YOU’VE NEVER PAID US A DIME.