I caused a customer to get divorced, and I’m not even mad.

TL;DR: I think I may have caused a divorce, and I don’t I don’t think anyone regrets it one bit.

Years ago, while working in the auto and home insurance world, I get a call. The caller wants to remove her husband from the policy. I do some basic underwriting and she tells me that they are divorced and she says he has new insurance elsewhere.

Alright, no problem, what I need to do is call him and just find out what date his policy started and if I have his consent to remove him. She starts to get pissed but I explain to her, I can’t legally remove someone from a policy without their consent. I tell her that she wouldn’t like it if someone called in to remove her from her own policy without her knowledge. So, I need to call him…

At this point she starts yelling at me, throwing profanity after profanity. She tells me, I have no business calling him, and that I should do as I’m told. She has decided that my name is now “boy” and from this point on talks to me like I’m a child.

Fine, I’ll write a new policy.

my smile intensifies

It hasn’t dawned on her yet that the new policy would be lacking renewal credits and multi-car discount. Even better, she hasn’t realized that the accident she had two years ago would no longer be forgiven, and the speeding ticket she just had would be chargeable now, vs the renewal.

“Alright, your new policy price for you and your vehicle is $xxxx.xx, and that will start effective today. Your new monthly payments are….”

I’m cut off by what could only be described as a demonic scream, followed by more mother fucks than a Jay and Silent Bob film. I explain in lengthy detail why her individual vehicle price has now increased. But then suddenly, exactly what I was expecting her to say…

“Don’t remove me, just leave the policy as is.”

So I nicely explain to her that, since she won’t let me speak to the ex, that this is what I had to do. (I actually had his cell number, it was right on the notes of the policy, but I wanted her to form the conclusion this was her fault own fault for putting me in this position) I explain, that since they aren’t married, the vehicles aren’t co owned, that she had no business being on the same policy as him (company rules).

She becomes enraged, and tells me that she doesn’t accept the policy. I explain, because of the information she’s divulged, and since she’s still our client, I have to insure her accurately. I can’t knowingly give her a lapse, and I’m not leaving the policy as it is. It would be no different from if you told me you moved, but then realized the price went up, and told me to leave the policy as is. It doesn’t work that way.

The next thing she says totally shocks me. “Ok, we aren’t actually divorced, but he’s a lying, hateful piece of shit. I wanted him to get arrested for driving without insurance.”

I’m sitting there, just trying to appreciate the magnificent of her stupidity. The irony of complaining about your lying husband when you’ve just spent 30 mins in a web of lies because you want to get him arrested? Nope, fuck this woman in particular if she thinks I’m going to believe anything she says. Fuck her if she doesn’t realize that I too can be a piece of shit, except I get paid for it.

So I tell her I’m going to place her on hold, while I see if I can get approval to terminate the change. In reality, I’m actually documenting our conversation into the notes on the policy, and I giving the husband a call. He’s retired, so he’s quick to pick up. After verifying that it’s him, I start filling him in on what’s happening.

“Hi this is YourMom, from Insurance company. I have Mrs.McLiarPants on the other line, and I’m calling to get some verification on some new information. She called in to remove you from the policy stating that you were divorced, but after she found out her price would go up in doing so, she changed her story stating that she isn’t divorced.”

He confirms that they aren’t divorced. He’s glad I called to to verify since he’s currently driving across country to visit family. I document his statement, and I tell him I’m going to make a note to verify with him prior to making any changes that would impact him. He then asks if I can email him an ID card and some form of proof that I’m terminating the transaction I started with his wife, which I tell him I will.

Back to the wife. I tell her that I’ve documented everything she’s said and that from this point forward we will verify with the husband before removing any driver or vehicle. She calls me a fuck and tells me that I better not call and tell him. Which I politely explain that I’d never CALL him to tell him that. I place myself into “after call,” tell her to have a wonderful day and thank you for calling, to which she response with a fuck you and hangs up.

After the call, I pull up a form letter of unable to complete as requested, and I filled in the blanks where it allows me to.

“Dear Mrs…We have received your request to remove your husband from the policy, in order to, as you said on our phone call “get him arrested.” We regret to inform you that the change can not be completed as requested as alternate insurance is not in place and this transaction would cause a lapse of insurance. Please contact us if you have further questions.”

I emailed the husband that along with an ID card. I terminated the transaction, made sure my notes on the convos were thorough and went to lunch.

I had actually forgotten all about it until one day, probably two or three years later, I was working correspondence. I’m attaching corr that we’ve received to the corresponding policies, when what do I find? It’s paperwork from Mrs McLiarPants! I only recognized it because of my book of notes. Apparently, now she IS getting a divorce, but because of said notes, she had to send in proof. She sent in a copy of his and her separate addresses, and some other papers on the divorce.

From the notes on each contact ive found she, continued to lie and scream at reps, threatened to get other insurance, realized we were the cheapest and tried to get her price lower by dropping her liability to the minimum limits. She had requested a manager on almost every single call, since mine.

Here’s the worst part. It had been like 6 months since her last phone call to us. She randomly faxed in a request to remove full coverage because she claimed her vehicle was paid off. It was not, and as such we received a letter from the bank telling us to add comp and collision back and send proof. Apparently per notes, we tried to call her (I doubt anyone even tried), and since we couldn’t confirm what deductible for comp and collision she should have, per guidelines we added it back on at $100/$250 respectively vs the $1000/$1000 she had before.

Her electronic withdrawal failed as a result of the increased premium. She was now a few days away from being cancelled. I call her to see if she’s even aware, expecting a shit show. She answers, and is absolutely a fucking sweetheart. She didn’t realize it was going to be cancelled. I explain the minimum due, and even go as far and tell her how happy I was to come across this when I did.

She makes the payment over the phone with me, I talk to her about the full coverage and explain what happened and why. She tells me how she’s been having financial trouble since her divorce and that’s the reason she removed the physical damage coverage. I ask if she has some time for me to look over her policy, to which she agrees. I’m looking for missed credits or really anything, because apparently I’m feeling charitable.

For whatever reason, she’s telling me a little about her divorce. She’s describing it as a blessing and a curse. She’s so happy to be away from him, but it’s taken a toll financially the last few months, but even still she wouldn’t trade it for anything. My eyes start welling up with tears because at that point, my parents were in the midst of ending their physically and emotionally abusive relationship. I had a feeling her demeanor changed the moment they weren’t together.

In the time between my initial call with her and now, we’ve released a new rating plan. It’s pretty much hit or miss; when it saves a customer money it REALLY saves them money. So while we are talking I start the quote under the new plan. Just her vehicle, just her as a driver, and wouldn’t you know it, its good news! With the correction to the deductible, removing the ex and his vehicle (now that we had proof), and the change in the rating plan, she went from something like $2100/year (her individual vehicle was about $100) to like $750.

So, being the prick I am, I start to tell her in a sad voice, “ya know, I’ve looked and done everything I could possibly do….” and she fuckin cuts me off and says, “I know sweetheart, I wasn’t expecting you to do everything that you already have…” and then I cut her off. “I’m just sorry, I could only save you $1350 a year. I just couldn’t find anything else. So, I guess your new premium will have to just be $750.”

She erupts into “god bless you, god bless you, god bless you! Ohhhhh lord, thank you Jesus!!”

I just sit there pulling the headset away slightly to keep my hearing intact.

She comes back, “oh my god! What did you say your name was again, I want to tell your manager how wonderful you are!” I tell her that the phone calls are recorded and she’ll know (I just didn’t want my manager involved. It does me no good and god forbid they pull up that passive aggressive letter I emailed years earlier.)

I explain to her that I’ll activate this policy once her payment for the current policy she made with me posts. I’ll then transfer over all credit and I let her know what her approximate monthly payment will be. I talk to her about being honest with us and that we are always more than happy to help in any way I can. I confirm her address, phone number and email address and wish her a wonderful day.

I set a reminder for myself for 48 hours, to go back and check billing and then activate this policy and cancel her old one.

Two days later, I pull up her account and payment went through. I activate the account, set her up on repetitive EFT, and sent out all her paperwork.

Hopefully I made the right decision in giving her another chance. I don’t condone her previous actions, but at some point everyone deserves a fresh start.

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Sure I can close the account, but I will also call the cops.

Best. Boss. Ever.