I forgot to brush up on my divination skills this morning before work. Professor Trelawney, please forgive me.
A call popped into my queue today. We’ll refer to the caller as Her Royal Highness Queen Pissypants, Ruler of Entitled Assholeland (HRH for short). Evidently, even royalty has stoop to a commoner’s level on occasion and contact the bank for issues. I opened the call with my usual greeting.
Me: Thank you for calling [bank department], my name is threetimesalatte, how can I help you today?
HRH: Ugh, well, first of all, it took me FOUR AND A HALF MINUTES to get to you through the automated system which is just TOO LONG.
I pause, waiting for her to go on. She doesn’t.
Me: I apologize for that, ma’am. [It’s not my fault because I’m number one in the answering queue in my department and no calls were holding to reach me before this came on, but I wasn’t going to tell her that.] How can I help you today?
I could feel her eyes rolling through the phone.
HRH: WELL, AREN’T YOU GOING TO PASS THAT ALONG?
Me: Unfortunately, ma’am, I don’t have any information about you. [Our system is old school and doesn’t tell us anything helpful about the caller; they have to give us their name, account, or something else to go on. Remember the early 90s before caller ID was a thing and we just blindly answered the phone? That’s how it is, except we have reeeeeeeally basic caller ID.] Again, I’m in [department]; how can I help you today?
HRH: scoffs loudly WELL I GUESS YOU CAN’T. click
I looked at my phone and saw the line go dead, and immediately, I burst into raucous laughter. How was I to help with her problem when she gave me nothing to go on? Was she going to waste another precious four minutes (or more) of her time trying to get a new victim in her clutches? Had she realized I was not in the right area she wanted to reach and was too proud to realize her mistake?
Out of curiosity, I looked at my call history and found the phone number she called from. Once a call is complete, I can use the phone number to search in our system for any clients associated with that number. It pulled up a profile that I assume belonged to the caller and I entered a complaint on her behalf, and I requested that someone contact her to see what was the matter. Perhaps I could have left well enough alone, but if I can save a poor soul from the future tyrannical tirades of HRH, it’s worth it.
submitted by /u/threetimesalatte
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