Upside down, on the backside of the Internet.

This is long, I’m sorry. Tldr: at bottom.

I used to work at a company that provided Help Desk support to many little ISPs. The following is transcribed from the actual phone call, which I happen to get a copy of. The call confused me so badly that I needed assistance even figuring out what the issue was.

I believe I have figured out what the issue was, but I will save that for the end, let’s see if you can figure it out.

I repeat, this is the actual five minute and twenty eight second call, written down word for word. I will provide the Moderators with the actual audio if requested (though it is not edited for personal information.)


Me – OP – Help desk not customer service, and not the most patient man in the world.

CC – Confused Customer – A super nice person, just a tad bit confused, and technology challenged.

The Call

Me: Thanks for calling, my name is (OP) how can I help you?

CC: Hi, this is (Confused Customer). Uhm, I’m such a big yutz here. I got the, the, the (kinda stuttering) telephone that leaves the messages on? But, and its on, its on, its on the thing there. But it’s upside down, which I can’t read. And I don’t have, I don’t have my printer back. So I can’t understand. So, so cause its upside down on my internet. So, I can’t put it together, I can’t understand to hook it up, so I can leave a message.

Me: Wait, I, what?

CC: I, I talked to the girl the other day, and I was, cause I, for five ten dollars I get messages each month.(Pauses)

CC: She got all that, hooked it up and everything. And now I said the paperwork, but its upside down on the paper, and I don’t have my printer yet. And I can’t understand the stuff, I upside down… (pauses)

Me: What’s upside down? (Said at the same time as CC’s next comment.)

CC: And I can’t read the…

CC: (Answering my question.) It, It came through my internet. But it came, it came upside down. I’m stupid so I can’t figure out how to hook it up, but the hook up, but to leave messages on the phone. (Pauses)

CC: I’m just…

Me: Alright, Stop, stop, alright. Back this up. Okay, so a couple days ago, you had a new service, you paid for a new service…

CC: Yes

Me: for your phone.

CC: Yes

Me: Is that a cell phone or a house phone?

CC: Its supposed to be the other phone.

Me: The other phone?

CC: The one in the kitchen doesn’t work, that one doesn’t work. Mine’s hooked up to a… There’s two phones hooked up. Ones a, an old, where the forks are, it was a Fisher Price telephone, its hooked up to another Japanese Phone. (Pauses)

CC: But I can’t understand to read the book, cause its on the backside of the internet, and I can’t print it because I have no printer yet.

Me: Okay, So…

CC: (Interrupting me) I

Me: Hold on, Hold on. So, Something is on the back side of the internet?

CC: Yeah, and mine was came in on the side. And I can’t print because I don’t have, my printer, Billy took it back. And he hasn’t brought it back yet, cause I don’t have a printer yet.

Me: What exactly is on the back side of the internet?

CC: What’s on the rules, where you put the stuff on there.

Me: Okay, so the Instructions for installing something is on the backside of…

CC: My internet. Yes!

Me: The Internet. What do you mean by the internet? I don’t understand that.

CC: Well my little, my little, my part that tells me on the internet, that tells me what the rules are. That I can’t even underst…I can’t understand what I read. I’m such a yutz.

Me: Okay, so are…. Wha, uhhhh…

CC: Laughs

Me: I don’t even understand the issue, Sir. I’m sorry. Um, so you’re trying to install a phone?

CC: Yeah, to leave messages on there.

Me: Okay, it’s a phone. Wait to leave messages on it. What do you mean?

CC: To leave messages on my telephone. Like we used to have, we used to have tele…we could leave messages.

Me: Are you talking about an answering machine?

CC: Yeah!

Me: Okay.

CC: Its five dollars, five dollars more she said, so its cool.

Me: Voice Mail! Okay…

CC: Yeah voice mail.

Me: You’re trying to install the voice mail…

CC: Yeah

Me: On your, on your house phone.

CC: Should, shouldn’t be on the house phone, because nobody uses that one. That’s the one you saids gonna blow up. (Pauses)

CC: Mine should be on, sits on the one in the living room.

Me: Is the living room in the house?

CC: Yeah it’s the one that’s set on TV.

Me: (Indecipherable)

Me: Okay, so, You’re trying to install the voice mail. (Pause) On one of your house phones. (Pause) And the instructions are on the backside of something.

CC: My, my internet.

Me: It, It can’t be on the backside of the internet. The internet is the internet. The Internet is the network that connects computers. You can’t be on the backside of….

CC: Yes, Yes!

Long Pause.

CC: Ya had it. If it is, cause I can’t look at it. Cause if I had my printer, I would print it out and try to follow it, but I don’t have no printer yet. Mine broke, and Billy took it back months ago, so…(Pause)

Me: Alright, So. You’re trying to…

CC: (interrupting) I’m such a yutz.

Me: install voice mail. You’re tying to install voice mail. And you need instructions.

CC: Yes! I just want to leave a message with my name on it, and we used to use years ago, funny messages, but now I just want a regular message. So if any of the doctors wanted to call…(indecipherable repeated sounds)…Cause I’m not stupid, I wanna leave messages but…

Me: So, I’m gonna, I’m gonna recommend you call back to the main office. They have, they have uhh, people that can walk you through that at the main office, okay?

CC: Okay.

Me: Do you have that phone number?

CC: Yeah, its uh, I have with her in my cell.

Me: (Indecipherable)

CC: Maybe I’ll wait till Amy to come up there and show me, cause I can’t. I’m not stupid, sometimes I get so idiotic. (Laughs)

Me: (Silent)

CC: So, I know its hooked up but I don’t know how to use…Once I do it, I’ll ugh god what a yutz I am.

Me: Alright, so, Someone from the main office can walk you through that. Okay?

CC: Okay.

Me: Okay.

CC: Okay.

Me: Have a good day.

CC: Thank you.

Me: Goodbye.

CC: Bye bye.

Notes: We handled basically everything except voice mail, but sometimes we would still help out if it was within our ability, and it was a semi-quiet day. That is why I kept trying to figure out the issue.

Also, I never realized I said, “Alright, so…” so often, until I typed out this transcript.

And I have never heard the word yutz used, until this conversation.

Tldr: Okay, the moment everyone is waiting for… upon further listens, my friend and I think we figured out what was going on. CC signed up for voice mail, and then they sent him the instructions via email. We are guessing they were in .pdf form, and may have been upside down, and he simply didn’t know how to rotate the document.

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Sometimes, you really need to break it down into simpler terms.

Customer doesn’t know his registration plate