“I *literally* don’t have the ability to send that to you”

Hi everyone, back again. A short one today about my time in a bank call centre.

Backstory: when you’d open a transactional or savings account online or in branch, you’d be given/sent a little cardboard card, about the size of a credit card, with your BSB/Account Numbers (I think these numbers would be called ‘routing numbers’ in the rest of the world?). Anyway, only our mailing house for online orders or branches had these cards to provide to customers, there literally was no way for us in the contact centre to issue them. This was pre-mobile banking being a thing, online banking was still a foreign concept to A LOT of customers.

Customer: I lost my bank card.

Me: Oh, do you mean your debit card?

Customer: no! My bank card… they one that has my account numbers on it.

Me: ahh, okay. And I presume you’re wanting to get it replaced?

Customer: yes. Just send it to my usual address

Me: I’m sorry sir, we don’t have the ability to post those cards out. If you’d like a replacement you’d need to attend a branch, or if you have a pen handy I can get you your account numbers over the phone and you can keep that in your wallet instead or you can find the numbers on a recent statement we sent you.

Customer: That’s just absurd! I want the card because it’s sturdy, unlike paper. Just send it!

We went back and forth for awhile. The customer gets more and more hysterical over a piece of branded cardboard I can’t send him.

Me: once again sir, I understand what you’re saying but I literally don’t have the ability to send that to you. It’s not that I’m not willing, I would if I could. Now I’ve provided you with your options, I’m sorry they don’t match with your expectations in this case, however, there is nothing further I can advise you to do to resolve this matter.

Customer: Oh, well if that’s so, I’ll go to the branch. I’ll go there tomorrow to close my accounts.

He paused for a few seconds and we both sat there in silence, I think he had hopes that this threat to close his accounts would somehow magically produce the outcome he wanted, but when I didn’t say anything, he hung up.